


Another First

by IAmAStonyGirl



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1, Affectionate!Bones, BAMF!Jim, Bottom!Spock, But they love each other anyway, Emotions, FIRST ATTEMPT AT A 5+1, Feels, First Time, First Time!Touching, First attempt at smut, Hope I Didn't Forget Anything..., I'm Such A Romantic Sap, Jacuzzis, Love Confessions, M/M, Matter-of-Survival, Mild character death, Mildly Dubious Consent, NOT HEALING-PENIS, Secret Relationship, So Is Sarek, Spones Snarking, Strawberries and Chocolate - Freeform, many feels, many many feels, near-death, top!Bones, virgin!Spock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:40:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3810751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmAStonyGirl/pseuds/IAmAStonyGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...Or, Five Times That Was ALMOST Their First Time, And The One Time That Was...</p>
<p>Okay, so I decided to try my hand at my favorite fandom ever. I have a couple of OTPs, and this one is a favorite. Be gentle? Lol all feedback is welcome, even criticism.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Snarky_Muffins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarky_Muffins/gifts).



> Okay. Well, here it is: my first attempt at a Star Trek Fic. And my first attempt at a 5+1. Criticism is more than welcome...just be gentle for this first-timer :) 
> 
> Essentially, it's Five Times That Was ALMOST Bones' and Spock's First Time, And The One That Actually Was. 
> 
> To be honest, I didn't expect it to expand out so far. So, now it's Five Oneshots Plus One. And since they are all a significant length (especially the last one), I decided to give each vignette their own chapter. I'd appreciate it if you all would let me know if it's worth posting the rest! Here's the first one (aka the most tame one...kind of...) for a sort of test drive. Please enjoy! 
> 
> Also, thanks to Emma (Snarky_Muffins) for all of her feedback and suggestions that made this Fic a reality. Without her, this story might not have see the light of day. Thank you, sweetie! Hope you enjoy, too! Xoxo

"Another First"

(5)  
A smile spread Leonard's lips at the low, soft rumble of a content hum from his beloved's throat. He concentrated the pressure in his thumbs to press deeper, kneading pale flesh as they journeyed up the length of that defined spine. The shoulders instantly relaxed tenfold, pliancy doubling with each caress. 

"See?" He smugly taunted with pride laced in his tone. "Told ya you needed this."

"Although this...activity...is not a required...necessity for proficient functionality..." Spock's voice, which had become gruffer - even a bit slurred - ground out while Leonard dragged the heels of his palms back down passed the expanse of his shoulder blades. "I cannot...deny that it is indeed pleasant."

"You know, you trying to maintain that reserved Vulcan stoicism - and trying not to purr - kinda kills the notion of getting you to relax..." Leonard huffed, albeit with more of a fond smile than a reprimand. 

A slanted eyebrow arched up above an eye that opened to peer indigently up at the doctor, "I assure you, Leonard, that I am quite relaxed." Bones rolled his eyes, continuing his task. After a beat, Spock spoke again, "And I do not 'purr.'"

Bones scoffed again, pressing a little harder as his hands worked their way back up from Spock's pelvis to the small of his back, "You ain't foolin' no one, darlin'. I know a good ol' happy-kitten purr when I hear one. Besides, I got the 'steadiest hands on the ship,' remember?"

Spock's eyebrow dropped and his face went utterly blank with his Vulcan equivalent to an eye-roll, "You may have talented hands, *Doctor,* however, Vulcans do not *purr*.

"Yeah? Well, YOU do," Leonard punctuated the last statement with a rather firm caress up the back of Spock's neck. Another - much deeper - barely-repressed rumble emitted from the prone Vulcan. Bones allowed himself a smirk before voicing his next devious thought. "Unless, of course, that was actually a *moan*, in which case, yeah, you're right; I guess you don't purr..."

Stillness met him as a response for several seconds. So long, in fact, that Bones nearly ceased his ministrations and was about to ask what's wrong until Spock spoke again, "Have I mentioned that Vulcans are descended from an ancient race of feline humanoids?"

Bones laughed out loud, both in amusement and fondness. 

The minutes stretched on in silence, the low lighting and the soothing scent of incense wafting all around their bodies. Leonard grew ever more relaxed as well, feeding off the utter contentment radiating off of his lover in waves. Spock's breathing gradually depleted until he was breathing only about six times a minute. His eyelids drooped low and his muscles barely tensed under Leonard's hands anymore. 

He looked beautiful. 

The pressure of Leonard's hands began to ease, however he did not stop his caresses. Instead, his touch became feather-light, barely ghosting over the pale flesh under his fingertips. The Vulcan let out another low breath and sank, if possible, even further into the bedding. When Leonard brushed over his sides, he gave a tiny shudder. Leonard smirked a little when a keening noise that was nearly inaudible came from Spock, eyes completely closed now. He continued the light tickling sensation, creating random patterns all over the expanse of the Vulcan's back and shoulders. Leonard decided he rather enjoyed the little noises his actions warranted. 

When his surgeon hands turned over to run the backs of his fingers up the lithe body again, they continued up the column of Spock's neck until they reached his hairline, where they unfurled to trace the shells of the pointed ears. Another unique sound - a purr, or a moan (or hell even both) - emitted at this action. Leonard's eyes softened while working his fingers to lightly massage the cartilage, carefully observing the minute reactions.

True to his Vulcan heritage, Spock's expression stayed quite neutral - save for the indecision his slated brows seemed to have between furrowing and relaxing. Leonard was well versed in interpreting Spock's discrete body language by now; he knew when his beloved was enjoying himself. And some of that enjoyment was leaking into himself; Leonard could feel the tingly warmth enveloping his body, especially his core. 

He let his fingers travel back down to trace along Spock's shoulders and to his arms as he leaned his own body forward, draping across the bare back. As his steady digits skated down towards Spock's sensitive hands, Leonard nuzzled the nape of his lover's neck with just the tip of his nose, inhaling the unique aroma that was Spock. His hands worked simultaneously with this action, eventually weaving to slide his first two fingers over Spock's - who easily fell into the gesture - before lacing them together tightly. Leonard shifted to one pointed ear, tracing his lips over the shell.

"I love it when you purr for me..." He uttered huskily, his breath tickling as he spoke every seductive word, to which another delightful keen answered him. 

Leonard released one of their hands, dragging his own back up the taut yet slender arm and back down his side again. The doctor could tell that Spock was trying (and failing) to keep quiet as he ran his touches along the sensitive skin. Leonard tried to keep his thoughts relatively tame, so as not to overwhelm his beloved. Still, he could not completely repress the absolute attraction and adoration he harbored. Fortunately, Spock hardly appeared inclined to protest. 

Both of their breathing patterns grew steadily heavier - and quicker - while tender kisses rained all over the Vulcan's jaw and throat. Leonard let his hand travel around Spock's waist until it reached his abdominals, whereupon it continued its journey upward. Spock had mentioned at one time how Vulcan nipples do not react to stimuli as humans' do. However, Leonard quite enjoyed the fact of the human half creating a slight...'ailment'...to that quality; Spock's breath hitched and his frame gave a bit of a jump at the slightest contact. Not to mention he forgot to clamp his lips shut as he'd done before to stifle a reaction. And, although not a verbal response, the slightly high-pitched hum he unwittingly gave was more than enough encouragement for Leonard's fingers to continue their light circling around the pebbling nub.

Instead of smirking again, Leonard trailed his lips back up to the pointed ear, his words nearly mere exhalations as he spoke again, "You like that, darlin'?" His trousers began to grow tight even as he asked. It took every ounce of willpower not to allow his hips the motion they so naturally wanted to succumb to, the perfectly-shaped gluteus both a blessing and a curse to his self-control. 

The answer he received was Spock lifting his own hand back to tangle his long fingers in the doctor's soft hair. He caught his lover's kisses and pulled Leonard as close as their bodies would allow. They were lying more on their sides instead of their fronts by this point. Neither seemed to care as they molded themselves so perfectly to one another's bodies, their tongues sliding and twining together. 

That was definitely a moan this time, Leonard surmised with mental triumph. He let his body naturally press closer. He nudged one knee behind the parallel one of Spock's, nudging upwards just slightly. He was met with no resistance. He couldn't help stroking his palm over the raised leg, scraping his fingernails along the expanse of toned quadriceps. Spock's breathing became quite a bit more audible and Leonard could not help the desperate gasp for air at the reaction. Neither could he help the natural roll of his hips into the ones against them. His head buzzed with arousal so thick he could hardly see straight. 

Leonard's skin felt hot, his body tingled all over. His rawest instincts took over, prompting him to crave more touch, more skin contact. His hands roamed everywhere they could reach, plastering himself against every inch of the Vulcan's body that was possible. His teeth scraped against what he knew to be an erogenous zone just behind the shell Spock's ear before his tongue followed to sooth the sting. A large gust of air fell from his lips when he felt a full shiver wrack his lover's frame. The hand exploring the Vulcan's leg gradually increased pressure as it kneaded closer towards the inner thigh. 

The fingers in Leonard's hair tightened as he caressed with gentle fingers the groove just on the edge of the Vulcan's crotch.

The was a slight hitch in Spock's voice, "L-Leonard..." Anything else he could have uttered after that was instantly smothered by a surprised, sharp groan when the doctor's hand firmly palmed his aching, growing bulge at a steady pace. 

Leonard struggled to form coherent words through the haze of pleasure between them, his other arm tightening around the Vulcan's slim waist as he felt Spock let his hips naturally roll back against Leonard's own hardness. He was so beautiful, "Oh, God... That feel good, darlin'?" Not that he was expecting an answer, of course. Instead, he let Spock move against him, sandwiched between the hand on his crotch and the hips against his behind. Leonard let a few pleased noises of his own be heard, encouraging the enthusiastic play as he began to release the proper fastenings of Spock's trousers and snake his deft fingers inside. 

A harsh gasp was ripped from Spock's throat upon contact. There was something different about this one, however; it was sharp, almost pained. And the violent jerk his entire body gave made Leonard flinch, further sobering up when Spock's hand clamped down onto his wandering one tighter than a vice. The doctor's foggy head cleared as he turned concerned eyes to his lover's face. 

Spock did not meet his gaze, clenching his eyes shut as his jaw tightened in a way that had to be painful. His breaths passed heavily through his nose and suddenly Leonard began to feel incredibly guilty. 

"Spock? You alright?"

The Vulcan took a little longer than usual to respond, his voice low and quiet when he did so, "I...apologize. I..."

Leonard was now sufficiently concerned, "You okay? Did I hurt you?" Spock gave a minuscule shake of the head and Leonard squeezed the fingers tangled with his own, slowly withdrawing their entwined hands from their position.

"Negative. I...I only..."

Leonard needed to hear no more. Letting a heavy breath fall from his lips, he instantly brought his arms up to cradle Spock closely - tightly - against his chest. He suddenly felt very protective, rather than aroused. With all the Vulcan's intelligence and proper demeanor, it was easy for Leonard to forget just how young Spock really was - that he was just barely an adult by Vulcan standards, despite the relative closeness of their ages. 

The overwhelming need for closeness enveloping him, Leonard wove himself around the lithe frame as he shushed him softly, "Shh, don't," he kissed into the warm skin of Spock's shoulder. "It's okay, sweetheart. We'll do it when you're ready..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another try...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!!! Omigawd. I have to say that I am VERY pleasantly surprised at the response this story has gotten just from the first chapter. So, you've all talked me into it: I shall upload the rest. I hope you enjoy what's to come just as well as you have the first! I reckon updates will be coming once a week, depending on how well you guys still like it. I'm very excited to be sharing this work with you. 
> 
> And thank you to my reviewers: Ashaveh, yesicer, anon, Mis, rosemanon, Jax2020, and Lea. And SUPER HUGE THANKS to my first (and most enthusiastic) reviewer whiteeye. Thank you guys so, SO much for your support! Please enjoy this next chapter!
> 
> Also, many thanks to those you left kudos. I feel very loved!

(4)  
"I promise, a just little bit won't hurt. I just want you to try it."

"I *have* warned you of the effect that certain sugar foods induce on Vulcans, have I not, Doctor?"

Leonard arched an exasperated eyebrow at his stubborn lover, "Yes you have, and as a *doctor* I can assure you that one sip of booze doesn't make a lightweight drunk, and that one drop of chocolate won't make you lose all that Vulcan logic you're so proud of."

Spock met that indigent eyebrow with a raise of his own, "You're statement is contradictory, as the fact that Vulcan discipline allows my species to hold our emotions in check with the serenity of logic makes the notion of pride void - "

Leonard rolled his eyes so hard it made Spock's head hurt just watching.

"Stop trying to deviate from the subject. Just one drop, I promise, and if you don't like it, you never have to try it again. Deal?"

A silent sigh dropped from Spock's lips in his own (non)admission of defeat; unfortunately, the doctor could be as hardheaded as himself. It was illogical to continue a stalemate, "Very well. If it pleases you..." A smirk appeared with a glint in Leonard's eye that Spock couldn't have been sure to be wary of or not.

Nearly giddy with anticipation, Leonard dipped just an edge of a spoon into the bowl of chocolate syrup to present to Spock. The Vulcan hesitated for merely a second or two before reaching for the utensil. Smirking, Leonard pulled the offering away and instead proceeded to feed the treat to Spock himself. He wasn't certain, but the doctor could have sworn he caught the barest hint of a scowl before the treat was accepted. 

The reaction was difficult to interpret. Brows furrowed just slightly over closed eyes, it was impossible to tell when Spock finally swallowed the sweet syrup. When he finally did meet Leonard's eyes again, his beloved practically bounced from his seat on the bunk. Good god, he's spending too much time with Jim... "So? What'd'ya think?"

Spock appeared to contemplate his answer - even poking out the tip of his tongue to swipe away some missed chocolate from his bottom lip, "It is...most pleasant...to say the least."

Score one for Bones McCoy! 

"Didn't I tell ya it wouldn't be so bad?" Leonard could not help taking a - considerably larger - sample of the dessert himself. "So, do you like it?"

"Did I not state that I find it's qualities pleasing?"

Leonard rolled his eyes again, "Damn cheeky hobgoblin..." He took another taste to distract himself before offering another towards Spock.

The Vulcan hesitated only a second before accepting, "If I may ask, what is the purpose of these activities you've proposed?"

A scoff fell from the doctor's lips before he could stop it, "Call me an old romantic, but I happen to like having quite dates at home. I just thought I'd introduce the notion to my ignorant significant other."

"I can understand the sentiment. However, seeing as were are, in fact, aboard a starship, the idea of a "date at home" remains irrelevant to - "

A frustrated sigh - that could have easily passed as a growl - emitted from Leonard as he very nearly flicked the tray of desserts from the bed and onto the floor, "Okay. Seriously. Technicalities aside, I just thought I'd do something romantically cheesy, alright?? I'm sorry if you don't appreciate it, but I *am* human, you know. Why did I even try..."

He was sharply re-covering the assortments to take away when Spock's hands stopped him, "Leonard..."

He tried not to in his deflated mood, but Leonard could not help but halt in his actions to listen to his lover. 

Spock, in his neutral Vulcan way, appeared properly chastised, "It was not my intention to upset you. Please understand: many of these gestures are foreign to me and I often find them difficult to comprehend." Leonard's shoulders slumped in defeat, but he still did not make eye contact. Spock continued to cradle the other man's hand between his own. "I am sorry."

A slow breath blew between the doctor's lips, "It's okay; I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have gotten upset. I know this is new to you." He squeezed the hands back before finally meeting his lover's gaze, "Come here..." He leaned over the assortment to place an apologetic kiss on the Vulcan's lips. 

He was pleasantly surprised - and amused - when upon pulling back, Spock followed for a brief instant to swipe at some stray chocolate on Leonard's lips. 

"Okay, I think it's safe to assume that you like chocolate..." Leonard smugly observed, an eyebrow arched. 

Maybe it was the side effects of said treat, but the cute blush that colored the Vulcan's cheeks and ears did not go unnoticed, "As I said, most pleasant."

The corners of Leonard's lips tugged as he turned back to his dessert tray, "Here. Got somethin' else for you," he could hardly contain his eagerness when he uncovered another dish. "Got these in a bargain during our last stop at Starbase 11."

Spock had just helped himself to yet another taste of syrup when he caught sight of his beloved's 'surprise.' He startled and his eyes went a little wide before snapping up to Leonard's beaming face, "Leonard, are those - ?"

"You bet your pointed ears, sweetheart. Real strawberries. Thank God for stasis freezing, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to keep them fresh."

"But... How did you manage...?"

Leonard shrugged, "Eh, just a little horse-trading here and there. Besides, I figure this beats a dozen bottles of Andorian ale anyway of the week."

Spock startled once again and Leonard began to wonder just how little chocolate it takes to melt the ice-cold Vulcan façade, "You traded a dozen bottles of Androrian ale for a small dish of strawberries?"

Leonard chuckled fondly as he served a slightly larger portion of chocolate to his lover's gaping mouth, "Nah, just the one. Was a few years old, so I figured it had some value. Besides, it was just gathering dust in my cabinet."

"Do you not enjoy Andorian ale? As I understood it, you and the captain - "

"It was a gift from Jim when he inherited the *Enterprise*," Leonard waved a hand as if to swat away the subject. "Besides, he prefers Saurian brandy anyways. And I'm not exactly fond of drinking alone." He paused as he reached for a sizable berry. "And 'small dish' nothin'! I happened to get two dozen of these beauties, thanks very much." He just barely caught sight of the twitch in Spock's own lips. "Here, they're great like this..."

When the Vulcan was presented with another sample of the chocolate syrup via a plump strawberry, he arched an eyebrow at his beloved with the silent message that he wasn't impressed. Leonard merely cocked an eyebrow back at him. He still held the offering out to him, the dark brown glob of liquid trickling idly down onto his fingers. Spock knew that Leonard knew what such a gesture meant to his species - touching one's food and all. 

"Come on, darlin.' Have a little fun?"

Perhaps it was the chocolate inhibiting his reason. Regardless, Spock finally allowed himself forward to partake in the dessert. And whether it was the side-effects of the treat or not, he couldn't help the pleased groan that escaped his throat. Leonard smirked again in triumph while Spock's head began to swim. When he opened his eyes again after indulging in the sweet-and-tart taste, they appeared to be a bit brighter - and more lax. 

Even his voice seemed a bit less stiff, "I presume there is reasoning for why you do not wish for me to feed myself?"

"Because it's more fun this way. Don't you think?" Leonard happily replied while reaching for another berry. He must have grown more excited than he realized; as he reached forward to present another coated strawberry, Spock eagerly met him halfway to receive it. Unfortunately, the sugary syrup appeared to make him a bit sluggish in his movements and caused Leonard to drop the treat. The doctor's swift hands caught it before it could hit the bed, however a trail of chocolate managed to smudge down Spock's cheek and onto his chin. 

"Whoops..." With an embarrassed grimace, Leonard leant forward to lap the mess up with his tongue. His ministrations earned a pleased hum. Upon discovering this, a devious smile split Leonard's face. "Sorry. Guess I'm a little clumsy..." As he continued to clean up his mess, he made a second attempt at feeding the fruit to his lover. This time, he made sure to smudge a little more chocolate on the Vulcan's face. 

Spock definitely began to understand why Leonard found this activity so enjoyable. Given his pleasantly foggy mind's reactions to the situation, he decided that Leonard's motivations were quite...logical.

Leonard pulled back after a moment and reached for Spock's black undershirt, "Let's try something else. Promise you it's even more fun..." Spock complied, perfectly content in devouring the sweetened fruit while Leonard proceeded to render them both shirtless. He discovered he REALLY liked their dessert. 

Leonard had barely set their discarded clothing aside when Spock had presented him with a skewer holding another dipped berry. The doctor merely grinned encouragingly as he took the treat between his teeth, never breaking eye contact while slowly sliding it from the utensil. Instead if consuming it, however, he leaned forward to touch the base of Spock's throat with the coated fruit. He lightly dragged a path upward before pushing it between the Vulcan's lips with his own, leaving a brown trail in its wake. Spock was only too (dare he think it) happy to accept. A pleased shiver wracked his frame when Leonard lapped up the trail of chocolate from his skin.

Although enjoying their activities, Spock was certain that he was having more fun than his beloved. But he intended to rectify that. 

He reached for the forgotten spoon again, dipping it just enough to cover the entire groove in the syrup before lifting it to Leonard's lips. His task was interrupted when Leonard began laving around the strawberry in his mouth, mopping up the smudges left behind on his green-flushed cheeks. He shuddered, causing his fingers to lose their grip on the spoon. It hit Leonard's shoulder before tumbling to his chest and then bouncing to land back on the tray. 

His beloved chuckled warmly, "A little clumsy yourself, darlin'?"

"Indeed," Spock answered as casually as he could manage. Leonard certainly wasn't expecting to suddenly be shoved backwards, followed by a fairly-tipsy Vulcan straddling his lap.

Not that he was complaining of course, "Well! Spock... Was it something I said?" He teased as his lover made for the spilt syrup on his chest.

"It appears you have a few messes of your own which need cleaning..."

Leonard's breath choked upon impact of Spock's slightly rougher tongue against his skin, "Ooh...don't I ever..." He couldn't help arching just in the slightest when contact was made on a rather sensitive area on his pectoral. "Mr. Spock... I believe you're...enjoying this..." He managed to breathe out between gasps. 

"Indeed I am, *Doctor*," okay, was that tone...*teasing* just now? And did he just - ?

Yes, yes he did.

A hiss seeped through Leonard's teeth when Spock drizzled another spoonful of chocolate across the span of his chest. The adorable lil' hobgoblin was catching on! The doctor's hands carded through the smooth black hair as Spock commenced with consuming the new spill. This night just continued to get better...

"Mmm... Hey, Spock," Leonard managed to ground out as the Vulcan tongue trailed up just under his jaw. "Where's mine? I like chocolate too, y'know."

He couldn't be sure, but Leonard could have sworn Spock's eyes twinkled when he re-established eye contact, "My apologies, Leonard..."

A brown eyebrow arched high in delight when Spock brought another coated strawberry to Leonard's lips, "Oh, you naughty little Vulcan," he practically growled before accepting the offering straight from Spock's fingers. "I love when my baby's being naughty..."

And naughty was exactly what he received; no sooner had he taken the berry between his lips did Spock surge forward and decide to play a little tug-of-war. Grinning, Leonard reciprocated with much fervor. 

Tongues warred against one another, teeth tore at the fruit, and syrup smeared between their encased lips. Their play was not chaste. Not to mention friction was spiking in some *very* interesting areas. 

A gasp was ripped from Spock at the same time Leonard's hips canted upwards. The doctor smirked despite himself. He recovered before his lover did (for once) and repeated the specific roll of his hips against that of his lover's, arching up to lap at the smear of chocolate at the corner of Spock's mouth. The response he received was prominent keen. The Vulcan's slender digits tangled fiercely in Leonard's hair as he mirrored both actions. 

"Feels good, don't it, sweetheart?" An agreeing groan answered him. Obviously, Spock's tongue (and brain, for that matter) was clearly preoccupied. Leonard did not mind one bit. Forgoing the dropped spoon, he instead gathered up some more chocolate syrup on his fingers to create even more sugary patterns all over his lover's face and throat. His tongue quickly followed the mess, hands trailing down in that feather-light way to settle on the lithe hips above his. "Don't be shy, darlin.' I like it, too."

Leonard's hands gently guided Spock's encouraged movements while they continued cleansing each other of more spilt chocolate. His trousers strained and it took everything in him to not rip open the zipper to free his growing erection. 

"God, Spock... So beautiful like this..." He was answered with a playful nip on his right nipple, which was gratefully received. "That settles it; from now on, I am DEFINITELY stocking up on chocolate toothpaste so I can kiss you goodnight - *every night* - before bed."

Spock pulled back just enough to stare down at Leonard, "Chocolate toothpaste, as a product alone, would be a highly illogical item due to the fact that it's purpose is to - "

Before Leonard could even summon up a witty response to his relentlessly Vulcan lover, the hissing sound of the doors leading out of his quarters suddenly made him straighten up. A voice they were both well-familiar with wafted over from the office area, "Bones! I hope you're home; I've got a fiasco of a shift to drown..."

Alarm surged through both lovers. Jim was the only crew member with unlimited access to any room on the ship (aside from his CMO). And being that their relationship wasn't exactly public knowledge at this point, it's needless to point out the panic that had both men jumping up to right themselves and hide their activities. Spock was suddenly very sober. Mostly.

Leonard had just barely managed to pull on a t-shirt while Spock dived under the bed with his shed clothing by the time Jim came within sight. Leonard plastered on his best relaxed smile, making sure to wipe any remaining chocolate from his face, "Evenin' Jim. What brings you here?"

To his credit, the captain clearly did not have a pleasant day, if his rugged appearance was anything to go by. Bags sunk under his eyes, stress lines donned his forehead and the scowl on his face looked as if it had been engraved, "A day from hell, that's what. I swear, I'm an explorer, not a diplomat! Does Command *really* expect me to keep kissing these damn Tellarite's asses when CLEARLY they just like to see how wound-up I can get? I mean, what's the POINT? Obviously, we're getting nowhere - and they don't get along very well with Vulcan's, which left Spock's legendary skills out of the equation - speaking of which, I haven't seen him all day! Maybe he can tell me what I'm doing wrong??"

Leonard nearly jumped ten feet in the air at the slight brush of a fallen fabric against his foot from under the bed. Add to that, Jim simultaneously mentioning the Vulcan's name had the doctor's paranoia levels on overdrive. He instantly dived for his liquor cabinet, diverting Jim's attention in the opposite direction of the bed, "Or, maybe you just need a drink, like you said. Got some twelve-year-old Saurian brandy here with your name on it."

"Wait a minute, Bones..."

Leonard froze for a split second at the suspicious tone in Jim's voice before attempting to casually go about his task, "It's no trouble, Jim, really. I knew I was saving it for something important."

Jim waved him off, pacing closer to the bunk, "No, no, it's not that..." He seemed to study a point of interest before a disbelieving laugh burst his throat. Leonard was certain he was dead, "Oh, my God, Bones! You sly bastard; you've been holding out on me!"

Leonard very nearly dropped the bottle as he rushed over in a futile attempt to hide the bed from view, "Now, Jim, it's not what it looks like! I can explain - "

Jim waved him off and made for the bed before his best friend could stop him. Yep - Leonard was definitely a dead man, "Don't try to con me, Bones; I think it's EXACTLY what it looks like! How the hell did you get ahold of *real strawberries?*"

Leonard nearly had a heart attack when Jim reached the bunk. And then damn near fainted when his friend reached for the dining cloth and flicked it back to reveal his and Spock's dessert. The only evidence to himself that the doctor hadn't inadvertently swallowed his tongue by mistake was the stammering jumble of words he managed to croak out, "Oh. R-right. Yeah, about that..."

"You didn't even tell your best-friend-in-the-whole-world about these? I mean, not that I blame you. God, I can't imagine what you must have traded for them..." 

Well, at least Jim's mood seemed to have elevated a great deal. 

...But Leonard still could not contain the face-palm when Jim very happily indulged in the dessert. 

Damn it, he was going to owe Spock BIG time for this...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third time's the charm...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Uhm. Seriously. This chapter was probably the biggest pain in the butt to write of all of them. I can't tell you how many times I've read, reread, edited, and rewritten this thing. I struggled with it for so long until, late one night, I finally sat back, looked at this chapter and asked it, "What do you want to be?" This chapter essentially wrote itself and just dragged me along for the ride. I'm not UNhappy with it; it just took a turn that I myself wasn't expecting. But I hope you guys enjoy, regardless. 
> 
> Also, this chapter gets a little emotional, so I apologize in advance. I just think this would be a pivotal part of such a serious relationship. Sorry?
> 
> I'm not sure how this chapter will be taken (I hope it's just my insecurity talking), but I encourage you to not hold back on your comments, even if it's to point out something you don't like or offer criticism. My ambition is to continue to improve as a writer, and I can only do so if I know the things that need improving. But, regardless, I hope you all enjoy!

(3)  
The sudden blindness made every muscle in his body tense up, his consciousness instinctively scanning his surroundings with his remaining senses. He smelt the gentle aroma from his mug wafting through the air around him. The fireplace crackled softly as sparks of bright embers danced among the flames. The floor beneath his feet vibrated with the weight of only one other culprit. The body heat of another pressed close against his back. He could feel the tender press of fingertips against the blindness over his eyes before moving to secure the tightness of the soft cloth behind his head. A few minute brushes of skin gave way to sentiments of adoration, protectiveness, fondness, and a dash of playfulness flooding his mind. The Vulcan instantly felt his body relax as it drank in the familiar thoughts of the assailant behind him.

"Finally got your pointy ears down here, huh?" the gravelly, Southern accent rumbled into the aforementioned ear, the drawl ever more pronounced than usual. Spock felt a chill run up his spine. Surgeon's hands drifted down from his hairline to caress the column of his neck, teasing towards the shoulders. "Told you shore leave wouldn't kill you..."

Spock felt a tug at the corner of his lips. Raising his free hand, he stroked his fingers over Leonard's in a teasing kiss as said doctor's arms came about to envelope the lithe Vulcan frame, "I had never presumed so. However, let it be known that I decided to concede to your persistent urging only for the sake of avoiding the inevitable headaches you would induce upon me otherwise."

"Well, for starters," Leonard's fingers returned the caresses. After a moment, he reached to take the half-empty mug from Spock to set on the night stand before entwining their digits and settling their clasped hands on his lover's waist. "You never take ANY leave. Secondly, I spent a year's pay to get us this lil' piece of oasis - right on the beach and everything! And third," he began punctuating each of his points with soft, moist kisses trailing up the Vulcan's throat and across his jaw. He gently began swaying their hips to and fro, unwittingly falling into rhythm with the low instrumental music playing in the background. "I've got you all to myself. And you're at my mercy, being stuck down here - miles away from civilization - with no one to come rescue you from me..." Leonard's voice dropped several octaves as his teasing words morphed into something a bit more seductive.

Spock discreetly clamped the inside of his lip between his teeth and a shudder wracked his frame when Leonard's words ghosted into his ear; he could already feel the blood rushing to his cheeks, "And...what leads you to assume that I would wish to be rescued?"

Leonard pretended to think it over, "Well, you never know... I may decide I want to play 'Doctor'." He brushed a brief suckle to Spock's earlobe that he was presently torturing. His throat rumbled with the devious chuckle he slyly emitted. 

Spock certainly did NOT shudder from his beloved's ministrations. ...Honest, "You *are* aware that I am able to overpower you quite easily, correct?"

Leonard huffed a laugh, "But you won't..."

Spock had to hand it to the doctor; he was right. And nor did he *want* to, come to think of it; he knew Leonard was not capable of harming him.

It was unclear just how long the couple blissfully swayed, entwined, throughout the spacious bedroom. They simply enjoyed each other's company, their touch. Moments such as this were so incredibly rare for them. After an indiscernible amount of time, Leonard's fingers started affectionately stroking over his lover's. Delightful sparks shot through Spock's hands and straight to his buzzing heart, then to his brain. He subconsciously let his head fall back, admitting access to Leonard for the trailing plucks of his lips against skin that was quickly flushing light patches of green.

He wasn't certain, but Spock could almost swear he felt a slight twinge - or perhaps a tremble - in his lover's touch.

"And what...do you plan to do with me, *Doctor?*"

Another devious chuckle answered him, "That's for me to know, and for you to figure out." The kisses continued as Leonard twirled Spock around in his arms - almost as if they were dancing, hands still clasped and all. 

Spock had worked one of his hands free to weave into Leonard's hair, angling to meet one another heated kiss. The Vulcan was now aware that the doctor was shirtless; the only garment he wore was a regulation pair of boxer-briefs. However, his skin - and his hair - was impeccably dry. Confused, the Vulcan instinctively moved to push the blindfold off, but his lover's hands stopped him with a final peck on the lips.

"Not yet, baby. Got something for you first..." 

Spock tilted his head in acknowledgment as he felt Leonard's presence step away from him, towards where he knew the veranda doors looking out over the beach to be, "I seem to recall that, the last time you had a 'surprise' for me, I ended up quite inebriated and forced to hide under your bed for three-point-two-seven hours while you and the captain consumed heavy alcohol until the point of near unconsciousness."

"Hey, that was hardly my fault!" Leonard's voice bit back defensively from the corner of the room. "Jim had a bad day, I couldn't get rid of him, and - geez, he's my best friend. When he gets all pathetic like that, I can't just..."

"Need I remind you that he ate the remainder of *our* strawberries?"

Spock could almost hear Leonard's grimace at that, "Yeah, I know. I know. I promise I'll make it up to you and I - Hey, hold on a minute! Weren't you the one complaining just now about getting drunk?"

"While the resulting grogginess that ensued the following morning had been most unpleasant - "

"I gave you a curative hypo for that - "

"Furthermore, as I recall it was not the *strawberries* which induced such a harrowing effect on me. But does not imply that I did not enjoy our...dessert."

There was a pause. Then Leonard's footsteps grew close again, "So...you're telling me that...you enjoyed our little date that night?"

"As I previously stated, aside from the minor inconveniences - "

Leonard's smirk was almost palpable through the artificial darkness, his hands encircling the Vulcan's waist, "You saying you liked me getting you drunk and taking advantage of you?" He teased.

"I would not voice it in such a crude way. And furthermore, *taking advantage of me* was very unlikely given multiple circumstances wherein such a feat would not have been possible."

"Oh? Such as..?" The teasing voice vibrated next to a pointed ear, between affectionate nuzzles and kisses. 

"Such as, even in my impaired state, I would have easily managed to subdue you, if necessary."

"If necessary..." Leonard agreed, his fingers now stroking platonically over Spock's hips. 

"Also, given the fact that you are not capable of such blatant deceit, rendered the situation quite harmless."

The feel of the doctor's soothing touches came to an abrupt halt. And if Spock was not mistaken, for several seconds, he was the only one of the two who was still breathing. 

Finally... "You mean...you...?" 

"I was fully aware if my actions, even as I continued to consume the chocolate. I was quite comfortable in the knowledge that, should the situation have escalated passed my realm of comfort, you would not have allowed our activities to continue," Spock felt the doctor's steady grip tighten on his hips. "I had absolute confidence that you would not induce any sort of harm upon me."

Leonard's breath stuttered for a couple of beats and Spock briefly wondered if something he'd said had been misconstrued. Just as he made to rectify the situation - even comfort his beloved, if need be - Leonard finally spoke, "Spock... You trust me that much?"

"You have given me no reason to opt otherwise."

A heavy breath - a sigh of relief - was heard and then a chaste kiss was pecked against Spock's lips, "Good. That's good, baby." His fingers began to wander again, but this time it felt different - as if he were mapping out Spock's clothing. "You still trust me?"

"Unconditionally." He seemed to pause for a moment as if in thought. "Thus far."

A fond chuckle was heard from his beloved and then his hands we're tugged, pulling him in the direction where Leonard had disappeared to previously. After passing the two steps leading up to the veranda doors, Leonard told him to wait. Spock could distinctly smell the scent of hot water before a sort of bubbling sound was heard, as if the large space of water suddenly began to boil. Curious, Spock tilted his head a little and called out to his lover.

"Don't worry; just tryin' something a little different, here. Figured its perfect for some R&R."

"Boiling water..?" Spock inquired uncertainly.

"Close. Not quite." Leonard's voice grew closer and Spock could nearly feel his damp skin from the increasing moisture in the surrounding air. "But if you wanna find out what it is, then you need to lose some of these clothes..."

Spock wouldn't necessarily say that he *flinched*, however the bold request admittedly startled him. He knew that Leonard felt his muscles tense upon his request. Steady hands stroked his forearms in a soothing fashion; Leonard had obviously expected this reaction.

"Nothing crazy, I promise. We can keep these on," a finger dipped shallowly passed Spock's uniform trousers to hook into the band of his undergarments. "It'll just feel silly if everything else stays on too."

Perhaps being deprived of sight also damped his superior intellect as well, but Spock was still having difficulty adding two and two together for this particular equation. What could possibly involve removing the majority of his clothing and a large basin of bubbling water? His logical Vulcan brain could not fathom an answer. Nonetheless, as he plainly stated only moments prior, he trusted his lover. Finally, with a slight nod and a quiet 'very well,' Spock allowed Leonard to systematically remove all but his boxer-briefs.

"Now, I know this is gonna seem a little weird at first," Leonard explained as he led them closer to the water. "If you're uncomfortable, you tell me, alright?"

"Affirmative," Spock felt Leonard's eyes on him before receiving a response.

"Okay."

The steam could be felt even before Leonard coaxed him to follow him into the water. A step at a time, the water rose up around them and Spock took note of the fact that the water was set quite accurately to suit his body temperature. Which meant...

"Leonard?" 

He could nearly feel the doctor revert his attention back to him, "You okay? Is it warm enough for you?"

"Quite pleasingly so. However, the heat cannot be comfortable for someone of your core body temperature."

A gentle kiss to his lips followed a light chuckle, "Nah, not really. I've always liked my baths hot anyway."

"Notwithstanding, it would be most logical to lower at least eight-point-two degrees to accommodate your body's preferred setting."

"Oh, will you just hush and enjoy yourself for once?"

Spock would have startled if not for the familiar prodding he was usually greeted with from the doctor in similar circumstances. Leonard tended to become slightly overbearing at times, but Spock knew it was with the best of intentions. 

Another kiss, lingering this time, silenced any further attempts at reasoning, "I'm fine; don't worry about me. Just sit with me and relax, okay?"

At last, Spock allowed himself to sink further into the bubbling water. Leonard situated them so that Spock sat between his legs, back-to-chest, their legs occasionally tangling together with soothing caresses. Spock had to admit that the activity was, indeed, relaxing. The jets sent gusts of the steaming water all around their pliant bodies, releasing tension in muscles that the Vulcan hadn't been aware needed loosening at the current point in time. The sensations were nearly...hypnotic. In fact, it wouldn't be difficult to sink into a state of light meditation like this...

On the flip side of the coin, this was the most exposed he'd been with his lover in an intimate setting. More skin was in contact with his own than had ever been permitted throughout their relationship. The feeling was not unwelcome, but there appeared to be a certain level of stress emitting from his lover's touch that not even the comfortable massage of the jetting water could alleviate. 

Leonard's fingers carded lovingly through Spock's damp hair, breathing deeply through his nose and ghosting air over the shell of a pointed ear. His emotions read of tension, however. Finally, Spock could ignore it no more and reached back for his beloved's hand.

"Leonard? Is there something troubling you?"

The doctor did not answer right away; instead, he wound his arms tighter around the toned frame, pressing his lips firmly to Spock's head that wasn't quite a kiss, "I'm fine. Just...I just wanna hold you for awhile, okay?"

Spock was further baffled by the odd behavior, but muttered a low affirmation and settled deeper into his lover's embrace. Leonard would speak when he was ready.

It was several long, blissful minutes - Leonard's steady digits combing affectionately through the smooth black hair - of companionable silence before either of them spoke again. 

"You really scared the hell outta me, you know that?"

Spock's head tilted just slightly to acknowledge his beloved's words. He had managed to avoid this conversation before, but he had to face it sooner or later. And it was obvious that there was no escaping it this time, "Such was not my objective. I merely did what was most - "

"Logical, I know," Leonard tried very hard not to growl in frustration. "But that doesn't mean it was the *smartest* thing."

"Had you rather I left the Captain behind?" 

It felt like a lightening both shot up Leonard's spine and he tried very hard to repress a shudder, straining to squash the haunting memories of their latest (and disastrous) mission, "No, of course not. I just..." He released a sigh and planted a chaste, yet affectionate kiss against the Vulcan's temple. "You almost didn't make it outta there..."

"And yet, I did so, regardless."

"That's not the point!" Leonard unintentionally snapped. He planted another apologetic kiss and wound his arms tighter around the lithe body. "I just...dammit..."

"Leonard." Spock carefully wriggled out of his sanctuary and turned to face his lover. "It holds no bearing to dwell on past events. Even less so on possibilities that did not come to fruition after all."

"I know. I know..."

"You are still upset," Spock stated plainly, earning a mirthless laugh from the doctor.

"I guess even a blind man can see, huh?"

Well, it certainly didn't take eyes to note the distressed emotion in Leonard's voice. How he had kept it at bay so long until this point was, indeed, admirable even to a Vulcan. Regardless, Spock turned completely in Leonard's lap, adjusting to sit relatively comfortably. After a moment of deliberation, he raised his hands to his face and pushed the blindfold up.

Leonard did not move to stop him this time. 

In fact, he was no longer looking at Spock, but rather off passed the floor-to-ceiling windows leading out to the deck, beyond the endless beach, and further into who-knows-where. The pain in his eyes was impossible to miss, despite his efforts to mask it. 

Watching his expression closely, Spock pressed two fingers to his lover's face, prompting him to meet his eyes again. Leonard resisted for only a second before complying. He blinked rapidly and then reached up to trace Spock's fingers with his own. With his other hand, he pushed the blindfold completely off, followed by grasping the back of the Vulcan's neck to pull him down for a searing kiss.

There was something much different about this one; unlike all the many previous ones in their two-point-one-three years of courting, this kiss seemed possessive, consuming - suffocating, even. The way Leonard clung to every inch of Spock's body that he could reach as if he never intended to release him, even for breath, made it quite hard to doubt that he would very much allow them both to either suffocate or become fused together. Whichever happened first.

With so much of their skin touching - along with the fierce display of Leonard's unwavering hold - Spock found himself struggling to form a coherent thought, what with the onslaught of turmoiled emotions bleeding into him through their points of physical contact: Worry. Fatigue. Love. Fear. Anger. Love. Relief. *Pain*. Lovelovelove - 

Spock gasped so hard from the heavy assault that he fell away from their oral dance. He took in gulps of air, having no strength to acknowledge the soothing hands cradling his face, the gentle thumbs caressing his ears, the forehead pressing against his sodden bangs, and the profuse murmurs of apologies from Leonard's swollen lips. 

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry..." He took a breath, willing his panting to dwindle. He inhaled deeply through his nose, quieting his racing thoughts, and spoke again in a low, level voice. "I just...I *can't* lose you..."

Brows furrowed, Spock looked hard into his beloved's eyes, "You did not."

"Not this time. But I don't want...I can't..."

Spock reached up to one of Leonard's hands, bringing it down between their chests. Leonard reluctantly met his stare, "Leonard, you are thinking quite irrationally. The captain is safe, I am alive, and we are now light-years away from that system. A report has been sent out to all Federation and allied ships to veer clear of the area, for their safety." In a softer tone, he added, "The danger is abated."

"For now..." Leonard muttered lowly, attention now focusing on their joined hands. It wasn't often he found struggle in expressing himself. "But that's the thing, Spock. More times I care to admit, I've watched you and Jim get thrown into these bad situations and you almost don't make it home. Do you know how many times I've sat and stared at the med bay doors - or the communications station on the bridge - or, hell, sitting inside your quarters counting every second that you're not back? Or worrying whether you'll even make it back at all? Dammit, half the time I go with you is so I can keep an eye on both of you. I just..." He trailed off for a moment. Spock braced his other hand on the broad chest as he tried to catch the hazel eyes again. "I keep waiting for the dumb luck to run out, you know? And I'm scared to death of it."

"Leonard - "

"Just... Promise me you'll outlive me, okay?"

The request surprised Spock a little, but not really. As sudden as it was - and perhaps illogical - it was not unusual at all where his beloved was concerned. Leonard McCoy was someone who took death *very* personally. Especially when those dear to him were involved. Not to mention he still didn't seem to accept the hard truth that he could do nothing to ultimately prevent it. He would always clash heads with it. Such may be the qualities that made him such a dedicated doctor.

Spock searched his lover's face for a moment, who still seemed to have trouble looking at him. Spock chose his words carefully, "*Ashayam,* we are both well aware that life and death are uncertain. In all logistics, mathematically, it is most sensible that I would outlive you. However, as you have stated many a time yourself, space is unpredictable and dangerous. We can never surmise what to expect with absolute accuracy. Even when you accompany the away team, there may be deadly circumstances that you may be unable to control. That is the reality - *our* reality."

Leonard merely nodded, inhaling smoothly to disguise a sniffle. Finally, his hands snaked around to latch around Spock's waist, pulling him closer in what would have been a bone-crushing embrace, if not for the Vulcan physiology, "I just don't know what I'd do if you died..."

"You would continue to live."

Leonard shook his head defiantly, "No, I wouldn't. I'd just *exist*. That's all. My heart will beat, my lungs will breathe, but I'd be dead."

The surging emotions flared up again. Spock's breath hitched with the sudden onslaught, but he did not pull away this time. Instead, he bored his gaze into that of his lovers, finding nothing but absolute truth. Along with that truth, accompanied anguish. 

Finally mustering up the will to break eye contact, Spock turned his attention to their joined hands. He worked his index and middle finger free and began running them all over Leonard's hand that they could reach. Leonard watched as well, transfixed while his own fingers reciprocated the dance. Both remained silent for quite some time.

The doctor's smooth fingers wove in and out, threading and unthreading, caressing and circling with Spock's. Their play was soft, light, and unhurried. Spock felt his eyelids flutter for a brief moment and he finally turned his gaze to meet those of his beloved. Leonard complied for only a second before bringing up their joined hands to his mouth, planting slow, lingering kisses to the first two fingers' pads. 

A shiver wracked Spock's frame. His breath shuddered with a large exhale and his eyes flickered shut for an instant. Leonard trailed kisses down the expanse of the two fingers had then back up again. He locked eyes with the flushed Vulcan, but did not move his lips away when he spoke in a hushed voice, "Is this okay?"

A heavy gust of air sharply filled Spock's lungs. He barely managed a coherent nod, "It is." His breath grew shakier when Leonard traced his fingertips with his lips. Leonard answered with a low hum.

The doctor's free arm locked around Spock's waist and drew him even closer. Regardless, Spock continued to press into his lover's body (quite possibly crushing their lungs while he's at it). Growing lightheaded as Leonard plucked kisses down his slender knuckles, Spock all but dropped his head to bury his face in Leonard's shoulder. His hips twitched without permission upon the tip of his index finger being suckled. 

Leonard breathed hot, heavy breath across the smooth skin of his lover's hand. His thumb massaged the palm while their digits tangled and untangled, "You like this?"

Spock had to take a few quivering breaths before he could answer, "Aff...affirmative."

Leonard didn't pause for a second. His ministrations continued, his lips traveling to the Vulcan's wrist. A low sound vibrated in Spock's throat and he found his fingers laced into Leonard's damp hair. The kiss he initiated was not chaste at all; breathless and heated, their tongues warred enthusiastically, yet languidly. Despite the hot water, chills tickled his skin, causing him to shiver. 

Leonard enveloped him completely. So many dizzying emotions bled from his skin into Spock's: affection, adoration...arousal. They were multiplied - magnified - far more than the Vulcan was accustomed to. It felt incredible.

When the need for air finally parted them - but only by a hair's breadth - Leonard shifted to whisper huskily into one pointed ear, "Can I touch you, darlin'?"

Of course, Leonard was already touching him. So much of their skin touched, Spock's head buzzing with the continuing contact. But, somehow, Spock could discern what his lover really meant. Just the thought alone of what Leonard requested sent both eagerness and apprehension surging through every inch of his body. He keened softly when one of the doctor's sure hands drifted to settle on his hip, thumb smoothing over the waistband. 

"Please, Spock, can I touch you? I won't unless you say I can..."

Just the mere fact that Leonard was requesting permission nearly overwhelmed Spock with emotions, many of which he could not summon up a name for. But the sentiment alone - along with every moment that led up to this one - was rendered more than enough for Spock to decide whether or not he was ready to give himself to this man. 

And, oh, was he ever ready. 

He was very ready to share himself, wholly - completely - with Leonard McCoy. 

Spock clung to him, his voice gasping for sufficient air as he uttered his consent into his lover's ear, "You may." 

A wet kiss was laid on his temple as the steady fingers glided smoothly over the expanse of the black boxer-briefs, "Close your eyes, sweetheart..."

Spock didn't hesitate to comply. He let his heavy head rest against his beloved's temple, too overwhelmed to muster the strength to hold it up. As that gentle touch drifted down over his crotch, he gave a shudder. When Leonard found the tent shaping his engorged erection, he massaged it with the utmost care. Spock bit down on his tongue in an attempt to silence the unrestrained noises he very nearly released. 

Leonard's caresses did not so much as waver when he pressed another kiss to the flushed face, "You okay, darlin'? Is this okay?"

Spock found it exceedingly difficult to keep his body from shaking. He barely managed a nod as he struggled to breathe evenly, "It is..." He didn't even notice his hips pressing into every movement of his lover's hand.

Leonard puffed a few thick breaths next to the green-tinged cheek, "I'm gonna go inside now, okay baby? You tell me if you want to stop."

Spock summoned up just enough energy to give a slight nod before the doctor's hand slipped past the elastic. A breathless exclamation left Spock's lips the instant his genitals became enveloped by the gentle hand. Leonard hummed lowly against his throat, as if the touches were upon himself and not his Vulcan lover. 

"Leonard..." Spock panted breathlessly as the hand carefully moved, stroking tenderly over the expanse of his most intimate area. His hands grasped for purchase, eventually moving to grip the human's broad shoulders. He hadn't felt anything like this before. It was so overpowering, so overwhelming. He could not... "L-Len - " another desperate choke for air made Leonard slow his movements, but not quite cease.

"Shh, shh. It's okay," the doctor's free hand came up to run through the sleek black hair, massaging the scalp. "You want me to stop?"

Stop? Now? At this point, Spock could hardly identify what those words meant, his brain was in such a scramble. He could hardly manage a shake of his head.

"You need to tell me, sweetheart. I need to hear it. This is something I can't guess at."

A few calming breaths later, Spock was able to raise his head just enough to meet his beloved's eyes once again. He took note of of the redness spreading across Leonard's cheeks and down is neck, trailing down his chest and into the water. He looked exquisite in Spock's eyes - logic be damned. He could not help running kissing fingers over that face and down his throat in awe, "You are flushed..." He muttered quietly.

An adoring smirk stretched Leonard's lips and he regarded the Vulcan sitting astride him, "So are you, hobgoblin." He pressed a few more kisses to the lithe shoulder, and then at the base of his throat, his other arm coming up to wrap around his lover's back. "Did I ever tell you that green's my favorite color?"

"I do not...suppose...your preference to me has...anything to do with it...?" Spock huffed out, the hand cradling his member slowly, idly continuing its caresses.

Leonard cocked his head a little as if thinking it over. He did not break eye contact, "Maybe. Maybe not. Guess we'll never know..."

Spock didn't think to repress the next hum he emitted when Leonard claimed him in another breath-taking kiss. His touch inside Spock's undergarments became feather-light, making the Vulcan shiver and his voice tremble, "You find this...enjoyable as well?"

A fond chuckle answered him, "You bet. More than you know..."

"Then, perhaps..." Spock released another gasp at a particular touch that he found he favored from Leonard's skilled fingers, "we should take this to a more...logical location?" Leonard pulled back to look at him with hazel eyes full of confusion. "The temperature of the water is already passed standard for humans. If we continue, our body temperature will continue to rise, approaching dangerous avenues for your vitals."

Leonard's dropped his gaze for a moment and let an amused snort be heard. Leave it to a Vulcan to maintain that relentless logic even amidst the throes of passion. But, yet again, that would mean...

Leonard locked their eyes again, serious once again, "You mean you want to...keep going? Are you sure?" 

"I believe I have taken more than enough time to deliberate my decision - and arrive at a conclusion."

Leonard awaited with baited breath for his lover to continue, not even aware that he'd removed his hand. He needed to hear the words.

Spock did not blink and he stared unwavering into his beloved's eyes, "My answer is yes. I am...quite ready..."

Leonard was quite certain that his heart stopped. Hell, his eyes were bound to dry up and shrivel into tiny hazel raisins if he didn't blink soon. 

Finally, he willed his voice to croak, "Okay. Yeah, okay." *Ugh, very romantic, Bones.* He could just hear Jim's voice in the back of his mind. 

Wait, why the hell was he thinking of Jim?

Speaking of shriveling up, Leonard couldn't have been sure whether it was the cause of the exceedingly hot water or his own nerves that had him struggling not to stumble as he removed himself and Spock from the jacuzzi. It was probably a fortunate thing he didn't try and carry the Vulcan to the large bed set in front of the still-crackling fireplace. In fact, Leonard may have accidentally on purpose forgot towels before ushering his lover into the water with him. No matter; fire was a dry heat, after all. 

And didn't Vulcans bask in dry heats?

A delicious thought crept into the doctor's mind while walking his indigently-dripping Vulcan lover back towards the bed. Before reaching it, he instead directed them to the fluffy rug at just a safe enough distance from the hearth. He kissed away Spock's confusion and proceeded to lay them both down on the downy fur. Leonard wasn't sure what it was - bear, bison - it didn't matter. All he cared about was that it was soft and comfy. Yes, much better than the drab sheets of their couple's bed. 

Yes, Bones McCoy was a cliché ol' romantic sap. Sue him.

*Beep, Beep*

Well, it certainly appeared that the fireplace wasn't a bad idea after all; the warmth gradually drying their bodies had more of a pacifying effect than anticipated. Once Leonard settled to hover over his pliant lover, tracing every bit of exposed skin that he could reach, it wasn't hard to pick up where they left off. Leonard had to reign in his self-control tightly, lest his excitement get the better of him. He'd sworn to himself that when the time came, he would go to great lengths to take care of Spock - to make their union as pleasant and memorable as possible. This was something incredibly special, and Spock had chosen to share it with him. He was well aware that Vulcans did not take such a thing lightly.

The reign of caresses from Leonard's lips to Spock's skin did not deter in the slightest while he laced their fingers together and laid their hands on either side of where Spock's head lay. The Vulcan complied, except for wriggling one hand free to travel up the column of his beloved's throat. Leonard didn't seem to mind; merely hummed in contentment and letting his freed hand roam elsewhere. There was plenty of Vulcan for his hands (and tongue) to explore. 

Spock clamped his hold onto the back of Leonard's neck, pressing him closer, and then travelled back down the expanse of his throat and down his chest. The further he descended, the more hesitant he became; the acknowledgement of his lack of experience instilled an illogical surge of uncertainty. What if he does something that does not please his partner?

Leonard seemed to sense his wariness. With an encouraging chuckle, he reached up to meet the hand that was tentatively exploring his chest, guiding the slender fingers with gentle prodding, "Don't be afraid to touch me, darlin'."

A new bout of confidence fueled Spock to continue. Leonard's hand, still having not yet broke contact, followed his movements to his left pectoral, where he hesitated over a ripe bud. Leonard had to bit his lip in anticipation.

"Do you wanna touch me there?"

Spock couldn't figure out why this simple dilemma made it so difficult to breathe, "...Yes."

"Then go ahead, baby. I *want* you to."

Leonard's breath caught in his throat when Spock stroked just the edge of his thumb over the soft flesh. The doctor bit his lip again, trying in vain to silence a low groan. Good God, it was like 10,000 volts of electricity shooting through his every nerve ending. This, apparently, spurred the unsure Vulcan on; applying steadily more pressure, he let his thumb circle the hardening nub. His fingers then fell into the alternating pattern. Leonard released another low sound from his clamped lips. The doctor surged forward - barely balancing his wavering weight on his forearm - and captured a pointed ear between his teeth. Spock answered with a small exclamation and a shudder. Ha! Fair play...

"Mmm. God, Spock..." Leonard narrowly stopped his hips from slamming forward when Spock's other hand decided to join its twin in exploring his lover's chest. Leonard replaced his mouth on Spock's ear with one hand while the other smoothly trailed down the lithe torso, past the waist, over the damp undergarments, and down one toned leg. As his tongue warred with a slightly rougher one, he gently nudged the knee to the side, effectively allowing Leonard to nestle between Spock's thighs. 

A tremor ran through them both when Leonard positioned himself just right and ghosted the bulge of his boxer-briefs against Spock's. Blunt - yet strong - fingernails scraped down Leonard's chest at the contact. He hissed when his tender nipples were caught in the fray. In spite of this, he grinned at his beloved. 

"It's gonna feel even better, baby." He kissed the swollen lips once more before bringing one of Spock's hands up to suckle on the fingers. Spock half yelped, half groaned - unrestrained this time. Leonard was definitely looking forward to hearing more of that delicious sound. 

He repeated the treatment on Spock's other hand, followed by repeating it again on each of the pebbling, greenish nubs. Spock minutely squirmed underneath him - robbed of coherent words - as Leonard worked his way down the pliant torso.

*Beep, Beep*

At long last, the doctor reached the waistband once again. Spock's hips instinctively canted upward slightly upon the warm breath skimming across his crotch. Leonard smiled up at him, eyes full of promises. He then dipped his head down, mouthing a few affectionate kisses over the mounded area, his breath heavy and warm. Spock gasped a huge gust of air into his lungs. His entire body seized, and this time he could not control the strong upwards surge of his hips.

Luckily, Leonard seemed prepared for such a reaction; his gentle hands clasped down onto his navel, preventing too much berth. He chuckled fondly against the fabric before lifting away just enough to asses the clothing.

*Beep, Beep*

He had just began to worry the waistband when Spock's hands reached to stop his. Leonard snapped his gaze back up, expecting to find Spock frozen in hesitation - deciding, maybe, that he wasn't ready yet after all. Maybe Leonard had moved to fast?

Instead, what he found was Spock peering up at the bed, where one of their comm devices lay, incessantly beeping, "Leonard? I believe someone is attempting to contact us."

"Let 'em leave a message," Leonard brushed off, trying to bring the Vulcan's attention back to their 'private time.' "Whoever it is will get the hint." He leant down to engage in another passionate lip-lock as his fingers returned to their previous activities. 

Spock accepted contently; he didn't resist when Leonard continued about his task.

*Beep, Beep.*

Just as Leonard began pulling at the elastic again, Spock broke away and returned his attention to the communicator, "It may be important."

Leonard tried not to sigh in annoyance. Whoever this pest was, they were a sadistic, inconsiderate son of a bitch, "Like what? Jim not being able to find a date? You know, that guy ain't always as much of a stud as he thinks he is. Ask him sometime about the night we went out for drinks for my birthday and he decided he liked these Orion triplets. Ask him how their Cerberus-head boyfriend liked that."

"Leonard..."

Okay, now. Bones was *seriously* irritated at whoever kept interrupting, "If it was that much of emergency, they'd still be calling."

Spock opened his mouth to retort, only to unwittingly take in the silence from the communicator. He glanced back up at Leonard, that I-told-you-so smirk and smug eyebrow lifted. Spock had to resist the very strong (human) impulse to roll his eyes as he accepted his lover back against his lips - and his body. 

Their oral dance gathered energy once again, their groins now unabashedly flush with one another. Leonard settled back down between Spock's thighs, finding and lacing their hands together again. God it felt so good to be pressed so closely to his lover's body! The doctor's skin prickled, and his complexion undoubtedly flushed. The keening, the shuddering, and the piecing fingernails were breathtaking. Leonard felt as if he would combust at any minute with all this sensory overload. This was beautiful. This was perfect. This was - 

*Beep, Beep*

A *severely* perturbed growl came from Leonard and Spock released a silent sigh. Someone had a death wish. 

None too gently, Leonard snatched up the communicator and snapped, "Someone better fucking be dead or dying."

"Bones? Is that you?" Jim's confused voice replied. 

"No, it's the goddamn tooth fairy! Who the hell do you think it is? I swear, Jim, you better have a good reason for - "

"Why do you have Spock's comm?"

The question slammed into Leonard like a ton of bricks. 

Aw, *shit*! 

"Uh - well - you see, ah - Jim - " This was it. He knew it. This was going to be one hell of a thing to explain.

Suddenly, Spock reached up and took the comm unit from him, speaking calmly - as if they hadn't just been breathing each other's air just seconds prior, "Apologies, Captain. The doctor is slightly vexed at the moment. He visited me to inquire as to why I did I not apply sunscreen before exploring the beach. We came to a disagreement when I had explained that, being Vulcan, I do not -"

"Okay, got it; famous Spock/McCoy Round-Off, I get it," Kirk cut in hurriedly. It made the couple frown in return. "Look, I'm sorry, but shore leave has to be cut short."

What the f - !

No. 

No, no, no!

Leonard's good mood just deflated and flew out the window, "You gotta be kiddin' me!"

"Wish I was, Bones. We've picked up a distress signal from an unknown vessel. They've got casualties and need immediate medical assistance. Spread the word and then report to the *Enterprise* ASAP." With that, Jim cut the comm. 

Someone sure had it in for Doctor McCoy...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the most unexpected circumstances...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erm... Ahem... Hi..?
> 
> First of all, I apologize for the very late update. At first, I was waiting to see if I got anymore feedback. And then the unthinkable happened - somehow, someway, all of my chapters I had saved on my tablet got deleted!!!! I was soooo beyond devastated that it took me a bit of time - and reservation - to start rewriting them all over again! I was not happy, let me tell you... :(
> 
> But, hopefully, the rewritten versions may turn out even better. They are long and, I hope, satisfactory. This next chapter was also quite difficult to (re)write, but I hope you like it. BE WARNED, however: this vignette may have some trigger factors like NEAR DEATH and slight DUB-CON. It will make sense, but please proceed with caution when reading. Also, due to the nature of this vignette, there may be some mild OOC-ness - but it's in context. Please enjoy and do tell me what you think. Thank you, everyone!

(2)  
"Spock to *Enterprise!* *Enterprise*, come in. Mr. Scott, do you copy??"

He didn't want to admit it, but Leonard could swear he detected a hint of desperation in Spock's relentless comms to the orbiting ship. 

The doctor glanced all around him, surveying what he could in the limited visual he had of the surrounding terrain. There was no sign of civilization anywhere. And it was getting colder with each step they took. They were also rapidly losing daylight.

"*Enterprise*, this is Commander Spock. Captain, do you copy? Can anybody hear us??"

The only thing more depressing than the crackling of incomprehensible static from the communicator was Spock's continued pleas for a response. Leonard sighed helplessly as he pulled his tunic tighter around himself. Finally, after several more steps of mindless wandering and countless more calls up to their unresponsive crew, Leonard finally reached to gently take away the communicator with his understanding hands. 

"Spock, it's no use; they can't hear us, darlin'. The snow's too thick. We're on our own." It wasn't anymore pleasant saying it out loud than admitting it internally, yet nothing short of it seemed to reason with the Vulcan. "We gotta focus on finding cover, ASAP. This storm's getting worse and it'll be dark soon. We have to get you out of the cold."

It was obvious that Spock was unwilling to give up so soon, yet he finally gave in with a solemn nod. 

Neither had been sure when or how it happened; when they had beamed down with Sulu along with a few security officers, the land had been green, warm, and plentiful with life. In fact, as the day continued on, it had seemed to grow even warmer, the flora riper. And then, upon treating one of Sulu's underlings after having taken a fall, Dr. McCoy had sent the wandering ensign back to the ship just as a slight wind had started to pick up. 

The air had suddenly began to grow a bit chilly, gradually picking up speed. A quick exchange with Spock and Leonard decided it was nearing time to regroup with the rest of the landing party and beam out before the weather got too bad. 

It had been a great plan - if only they could find the landing party. 

There had been no response as Spock attempted to rally the rest of the away team. The comms crackled and fizzed, but no audible response came. When the trickling of the first mass of snowflakes started to whirl around them - and with the increasing thickness of the storm - there was no way to discern whether or not the team had already beamed out. And the physician in McCoy refused to leave when there could be possible additional casualties. Especially, if the storm continued to pick up, if there would be no chance to beam back to the planet in the event that someone *had* been left behind. 

Determined that the good doctor not be left on his own in the increasing peril, Spock stayed behind with him. And now, they were no closer to contacting the rest of the team than beaming back to the ship. 

McCoy mentally kicked himself in the ass for a dozenth time. How could he be so idiotic? He shouldn't have let Spock stay; he should have sent him back while they still had a chance. Hell, he should have sent him back at the first signs of the temperature rapidly dropping. They hadn't come prepared for this. How can one possibly think to prepare for a blizzard when, at the first approach, the land resembled the Garden of fucking Eden? How could he call himself a doctor after all of this? He was sure Jim wouldn't chide him for his tendencies of mild neurosis after this one. 

That is, of course, assuming he made it back alive.

No, they - *they* - made it back alive.

The snowfall had covered the tops of their boots by the time the sunlight was nearly completely gone. The pair huddled closely, their shivering breaths thick, but hardly visible in the growing darkness. Fuck. They couldn't stay out in the open like this. 

"We have to...to find cover," Leonard spoke loudly, his words stuttering. "Sp-ock, any ideas? C-Can you s-see anything?"

The Vulcan lifted his head just enough to scan their surroundings. Even for one of his heritage, visibility was rapidly decreasing, "There is a small quarry fifty-seven-point-two meters ahead, thirty-three-point-two-six degrees to our right. We must move quickly."

A frustrated sigh left Leonard's lips. A quarry wasn't much for shelter, but it was better than nothing, "That'll h-have to do. C'mon; the snow's s-starting to s-soak my boots."

Well, at least getting out of the wind helped; the back of the quarry was against the wind, shielding the pair from the unpleasant freezing gusts. Leonard shook the snow from his hair and dusted off their shoulders. Next, he dived into his medical bag. He contained a cry of triumph when he located what he was looking for: a small folded square of aluminum. His fingers fumbled with it until it was sufficiently unraveled before draping the 'space blanket' around their shoulders. Spock moved to assist, but the doctor sternly insisted on keeping the Vulcan's hands out of the cold as much as possible.

"G-Give me your phas-ser."

Spock peered curiously up at his lover, a frown tilting his brows even deeper. Nonetheless, Leonard appeared insistent, so he fumbled with his belt until his numbing fingers wrapped around the weapon and passed it over. He watched, confused and a little intrigued while Leonard fiddled with it, mumbling indecipherable chosen words about hating the blasted things and never thinking he'd be relying on one for survival. 

He apparently found the setting he was looking for. He gestured for Spock to press himself as flat as possible against the rock wall, where the doctor had gathered up nearby rocks and piled them up as close to the wall as he could manage. He then fired a steady, concentrated blast at the small cairn (he repressed a shudder at the verbiage) until they glowed red. Spock could feel the heat radiating off the tiny boulders and instinctively shifted closer. Leonard latched the phaser onto his own belt and dived under the space blanket before pulling Spock's hands as close to the heat as possible. 

"It'll t-tide us ov-er for now. Hopefully unt-til this d-damn s-storm lets up."

Spock could only nod. It was obvious that he was having just as much difficulty being optimistic about their situation as the doctor. Neither one of them knew where they were, how far they'd wandered, or if the crew would find them. All they could do was huddle close, stay as warm as possible and...wait. 

When feeling returned (more or less) to his fingers, Spock tried the communicator again. The wind howled angrily. Thick snowflakes swirled around them and some even drifted into their pathetic shelter. Leonard heated the rocks again. Even pressed as close as they were, the pair could barely distinguish one another's silhouettes, having nothing but the red glow for light. 

"Captain...this is...Commander Spock speaking. Please respond." 

Leonard watched with melancholy eyes at his beloved's hopeless attempts to reach the ship. The static was almost inaudible now.

"Lieutenant Uhura...if you can hear us...please acknowledge."

Damn it. Even the Vulcan's ever-steady voice was beginning to falter.

"Mister Scott...if anyone can...hear us..." An incredibly shaky breath finally seeped from purplish lips. Leonard could feel the sturdy frame begin to shake beside him - minuscule, but gradually increasing. 

Leonard's tingling fingers closed the communicator once again, tucking it away before pulling the Vulcan's hands back towards the heated rocks, "D-Don't you go gettin' frostbite on me, you st-stubborn, green-blooded - "

"Any attempt to...reach the Captain - " 

"Isn't w-worth losing your f-fingers over," Leonard sternly interjected. "Now sh-shut up and warm up. I don't kn-know how l-long this is gonna last..." 

It was true; in the who-knows-how-long they've been marooned in the midst of this frozen death trap, the doctor had to reheat the rocks twice. The phaser's power was running low and the cold was definitely NOT helping to preserve it. 

Time continued to crawl by. Leonard and Spock sat in silence. Huddled in each other's arms against the bitter cold, their only thought being to keep as warm as they could. And pray.

The wind continued to howl. The snow still blew into their eyes. Leonard heated the rocks one last time before the phaser's power gave out at last.

"Never thought...I'd be persuaded to...to ever c-carry one of th-these..." The doctor shivered while shifting them as close to the make-shift heater as he dared - forgoing being burned. "I'm s-sure kick-ing m-myself for n-not doing it..."

Perhaps, if he had done so, they would have been able to maintain their minute heat source for a while longer. If Leonard had carried a phaser of his own - despite his disdain for such a tool - then perhaps he and his lover would not have had to watch, with sinking hearts and numb hands pressed to the stones' dwindling heat, the red glow simmer down to a faint flicker and then fade completely. 

It seemed as if time had ceased to function as the rocks cooled beneath their desperate hands. Their shuddering breaths were the only sound their ears could register for quite some time. They were now truly, completely alone. 

After what felt like an eternity (but was probably only about ten seconds), a huge shiver wracked Spock's frame and shook his exhalation. Leonard was instantly jolted from his reverie. He snatched up the Vulcan's hands in his own and shielded them to the best of his ability from the freezing air. He himself shook violently, his teeth clattering.

"W-We'll be ok-ay," he insisted. "We'll g-get ou-outta th-this. We-we're g-gon-na...b-be alright." Spock did not respond. His lover could not blame him; it was hard for Leonard to believe his own words, too. So they lapsed into silence again. Leonard gently rocked their bodies to and fro, if nothing else than to keep their circulation going. 

Spock could not feel his hands anymore. Regardless, he managed to activate his communicator again. He may have been delirious, but he could not give up trying. Maybe - by an unforeseen fortune - they might be able to get through. Even just for a moment... The storm must be lessening soon... Right?

"C-Commander...Sp-Spock to...*Enterprise*..." He tried and failed to keep his voice steady. "C-Captain... Lieutenant Uh-Uhura...an-nyone... Sit-uation...dire. N-need immediate...assistance..." 

Leonard listened to a few more pathetic spurts of weak static. And then the communicator, too, went silent. 

Somehow, it felt as if their death certificates had been signed. 

Despite the absolute darkness, Leonard stared in the direction he knew his beloved to be. He tightened his arms around the shaking shoulders, pressing as close as possible. Spock's ear was like ice against his temple. Damn it. Vulcans were primarily cold-blooded; they couldn't preserve body heat half as efficiently as humans could.

If there was ever a time Leonard McCoy was NOT proud to be superior in even one aspect compared to the hobgoblin, he had not come across such a notion until now. Talk about bad timing...

Leonard was freezing. 

But not as much as Spock. 

Regardless, he didn't need a degree in medicine to know that they were both hypothermic. 

He wasted no time. With one hand, Leonard cupped over the pointed ear that he was not pressed against. With the other hand, he fumbled for the lithe fingers gripping the comm as if it were a lifeline. He didn't try to pry it away this time; instead, he clutched the frigid digits in his own as well as he could. He roughly massaged to the best of his ability, trying to create friction. Spock's breath hitched unpleasantly and Leonard grimaced, pressing an apologetic kiss to the frozen black hair.

"I kn-know, baby. I know. B-But we got-ta...g-get cir-circulation back...in y-your ha-nds."

They pulled their knees up as close to their chests as their stiff bodies would allow. Leonard pulled the sleeve of his tunic over his hand before pressing it against Spock's ear again. He then maneuvered the slender hands under both of his own shirts to press against his (barely)warmer, human skin. He hissed upon contact; Spock's hands were so cold. With his freed hand, the doctor breathed hot air into his fist and then pressed it against his own ear. It stung. There wasn't enough thermal blanket to cover two full-grown men completely, but at least they could cover their heads.

"L-Leon-ard..."

The aforementioned jumped at the sudden break in silence. He began to rock their bodies faster once he noticed that his movements had dwindled. They had to keep their blood pumping.

"I'm h-here, ba-by. Right h-here."

A few more shivering breaths left the Vulcan before he could speak again, "O-Our core...bo-dy t-temp-uratures have...d-decreased...s-sig-nificantly. W-we are app-roaching...d-dangerous...l-levels. I do not... It is un-unlikely that w-we will...sur-survive the...night..."

"St-stop that," Leonard ordered firmly, pulling his beloved closer and rocking them harder. "Don't thi-ink like th-that. We are...*n-not* g-gonna d-die out here, underst-stand?"

"The...proba-bility is l-less th-than eight-point-four-three...per-percent that - "

"W-we're...N-NOT...gon-na...*die*, you h-hear me?"

Spock's jaw clamped shut upon his beloved's hard tone. He simply nodded and tucked what he could of the blanket around their frames before huddling into his lover's shoulder. The air continued to grow colder, despite the (perhaps imagined) microscopic lessening of the freezing wind.

Leonard wished he could see the sky better; perhaps counting the stars would distract him. He could probably pick out which one was Earth. Could Earth even be seen from this planet? Could any of the constellations he still remembered be up there? Spock would know - probably. Hell, would they even recognize the constellations, if they *could* be seen from here? 

"Hey, S-Spock..." Good God, his voice was starting to go; it was a mere rasping whisper now, no matter how hard he pushed the words out. How much time had passed...? "I think I can s-see the Big Dip-per. I-it's...b-backwards. Heh...does th-that make the North Star...the "S-South Star" ins-stead?" He forced a chuckle, but stopped short when he received no response. Not that he was expecting a laugh at his pitiful joke, but the absolute *silence* was very disconcerting.

Where the hell was the miffed contradiction stating how illogical he was being??

Leonard abruptly sat up straight, jostling the Vulcan who did not stir in the slightest. Alarm shot straight up Leonard's spine; Spock was too still, "Spock? S-Spock!" Shit, even if what he feared *wasn't* the case, even those Vulcan ears probably couldn't hear him with how faint the volume of his voice had grown. "*Spock!*" his beloved's head lolled against his shoulder, but he remained otherwise unmoving. Leonard wrestled one of his hands out of the blanket to feel for a pulse. His frozen fingers had grown too insensate for him to be certain. He breathed a few consecutive hard breaths into his fist again, restoring very minimal temperature. He felt beneath Spock's nose, where a faint tickle was registered. Spock's breathing was far too shallow. Leonard would have profusely cursed, had he the energy. "Dammit...S-Spock...w-wake up!" The doctor shook the limp body as roughly as he dared. He thought he heard a faint hum in response, but he couldn't be sure; knew he wasn't the most coherent at the moment. He continued to call for his lover, jostling their bodies again. "S-Spock, I s-swear, if y-you don't..."

"Hm...?" 

About a dozen praises were simultaneously sent out to whatever greater power that may exist at the sound of the ragged voice which finally answered him. Leonard could swear he felt an aneurism fester in his brain or one of his lungs collapse with relief. He tucked the blanket around them again and pulled the Vulcan closer to the point of nearly perching in his lap. Spock protested weakly without words, but at least he was responding. 

"You c-can't go to s-sleep, darlin'; y-you w-won't wake up. S-stay with me, okay?"

"Yes..." But Spock didn't sound anymore awake. He probably hadn't even opened his eyes. Hell, he may have been responding in his sleep, for all Leonard knew. He shook him again.

"S-Spock. Spock! Stay aw-wake for me, baby. W-we'll be...ou-outta this s-soon, I promise. Jus-st h-hold on a little longer. D-Don't go t'sleep."

"I am not, Leonard..." The mumble was hardly coherent. Another bad sign. The doctor was certain they had just passed from the realm of moderate hypothermia and into severe hypothermia. "Was merely...healing trance...to...to..." 

Fuck. 

Desperate, Leonard slapped the Vulcan's cheek, earning a barely-audible protest, "I d-don't...care...*w-what* it was. K-keep your eyes open. *D-don't g-go to sleep!*"

"I am...tired, Leonard..." Really not good; Spock would never admit to such a thing.

"I kn-know you are. I am t-too. Y-You can s-sleep soon, b-but not yet. *N-not yet.* S-Stay awake f-for me, *please*. J-Just a...lil' longer, I promise." 

"I...cannot..."

"Y-Yes you c-can. Don' s-say that. Y-You *n-never* say that." A frightening detail suddenly occurred to Leonard: Spock was no longer shivering. And he himself was not far behind; the southern drawl was thickening with fatigue and his rebooted rocking movements were becoming ever more sluggish. What he wouldn't give to be back at that vacation planet, on that secluded beach, soaking in the too-hot jacuzzi - 

"S-Spock? T-Tell me about...Vulcan. What's...s'it like? It's hot there, r-right?" Had he been aware enough of what he was saying, Leonard would have given himself a healthy SMACK. But he couldn't stop to contemplate what was coming out of his mouth; he just had to keep them both talking. 

Luckily, Spock did not seem to take much notice of the poor (not to mention sensitive) subject choice. In fact, he didn't appear to be alert enough to give an accommodating answer - much less comprehend the nature of the conversation, "It is...cold..."

Leonard cursed inwardly; the doctor was losing him and fast. He was running out of options. But he *refused* to let them die this way.

Fishing the Vulcan's hands out from under his shirts, Leonard brought them to his mouth again, breathing hard directly over the stiff digits. A weak, pitiful whine seeped from Spock's throat and made Leonard's chest ache with what little feeling he had left. He'd yearned for so long to hear a sound like that from his beloved, but not from suffering. 

That delicate exclamation should have been prompted by bliss - by ecstasy. *Never* on the brink of...

No. 

Leonard would not acknowledge that word, even in his thoughts. 

But, dammit...

They should be in each other's arms because they desired the closeness - not because their survival depended on it. The tender whispers in the pointed ears should have been in endearment - not a desperate anchor. Leonard should be caressing his lover's most intimate areas to prompt enjoyment - not circulation. 

Wait.

Wait just a cotton-pickin' minute..!

Where the surgeon's fingertips rested against the Vulcan's cheek as a result of protecting his ears from frostbite, Leonard managed to register a minuscule, brief warmth rise in Spock's skin. Almost like a blush.

His cheeks had done that before, when Leonard had rained kisses all over the lithe hands - among other erogenous areas. Well, shit.

Call him delirious, call him desperate - hell, you can call him a sick son of a bitch, if you feel inclined. Leonard didn't care; all he knew was there was one sure-fire way to elevate body temperature in this circumstance. 

God, he really hated himself right now. He half wished that phaser had just a hint of power left so he could introduce it to his right temple. Hell, maybe he'd invite Spock to do it once they've gotten out of this mess, after they have circulation and control back in their limbs - because he would NOT entertain the notion of any other outcome.

Forcing his stiff joints into action with what energy he still had, Leonard pulled Spock completely into his lap; the Vulcan was practically dead weight already. The communicator - which had fallen into Spock's own lap after their final attempt at reaching the crew was foiled - clattered to the ground, forgotten. Leonard wanted to smash the useless thing into tiny bits, but he had more important things to attend to. 

"We're g-gonna...g-get thr-ough this," he adamantly assured. "We can do this. We can..." He received a mere weak hum in acknowledgment. Leonard shifted their positions so that Spock sat perched sideways in his lap, but his torso turned into Leonard's. This allowed the doctor to wrap the blanket tighter around them. As he wrapped Spock's arms around his neck, he tried not to think about what he was about to do. But it was this or death. "I'-m sorry. I don' wan-na do this... Plea-se f-forgive me, baby. 'M s-so sorry."

As a doctor, Leonard knew quite well that, among its virtues, intimacy had many qualities: sensitivity to touch, rise in hormone levels, stimulated heart rate, heightened blood flow, rise in circulation...increased body temperature.

Breathing a few more breaths into his hand, Leonard tried to maintain coordination between that, continuing to rock their bodies to and fro, and eventually fumbling with Spock's trousers. The Vulcan gave no acknowledgment, which only spurred Leonard on to work faster - if a bit clumsier. Perhaps his lover wouldn't notice what was happening... God, he wished he didn't have to resort to this. He felt like throwing up...

"'M sorry... Wish it wad'nt like this..." Leonard forced his tongue to work; it was getting harder to speak. "I'll warm y' up, kay? W'll be al'ight." He wished he could kiss his beloved; at this rate of cold, he'd probably freeze them together. He instead brought one of Spock's hands back to his mouth, breathing hard across the nimble digits. The whimper he received was far too feeble.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

It was NOT supposed to be like this, dammit...

With the other surgeon hand, Leonard managed to wriggle his way into the damp clothing, passed the boxer-briefs, and against a too-cold organ. Shriveled and trying to shield itself from the frigid cold, it barely responded to Leonard's numb fingers. He felt like crying.

Leonard finally realized he was after all, when his eyelashes began to stick together after an indeterminable amount of time. His breath hitched pathetically against Spock's fingers. One hitch became two, and then three became sobs. They couldn't survive this. There was no way... He could just see the light at the end of a long tunnel already. He didn't want to look...

*Doctor McCoy...* it said. 

No. He couldn't let it take him - or Spock. Determined, he tried forcing his hands to work. Spock's weak breath stuttered against his shoulder, keening softly more in distress than stimulation. 

*Doctor McCoy...*

No!

Please...

The light shone brighter, blinding him behind his sealed eyelids.

*McCoy... Doctor...*

The call was clearer, but only slightly. It was getting closer. There was no escaping it. 

*McCoy...Doctor...McCoy...DOCTOR MCCOY!*

"...ctor, can you hear me? Doctor!"

He couldn't force any words passed his lips anymore. He tried to plead with Death not to take him - to not take Spock from him - but he hadn't any strength left. He was so tired...

"...-need thermal blankets, now!"

"-...-longer and they'd have frozen to death!"

"-...-will be if we don't get them out of here...-"

"-...-Scotty, you got a lock on -?"

"-...-ctor, stay with me. Can you hear me?"

"...-you dare do this to me, Bones...-"

Voices. He must be dreaming. They say you have one last dream as you die. He just wished those voices were real. He wished Spock's was among them, if only to hear it one last time. That light was so bright...

"-...-c'mon, hang on just a little...-"

"-...-almost home...-"

His body felt weightless. This must be it. At least he was no longer drowning in freezing pain...

"-...-gonna be okay, now...-"

"-...-safe now. We got you...-"

Safe...

.................

Safe...?

\----

An eternity later, he opened his eyes to faint beeping, too-bright walls, and the sight of his beloved Vulcan lying in the bed next to him


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Circumstantial...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!
> 
> Once again, I apologize for the wait, but even I didn't expect the unexpected turn this whole story took. When my chapters got deleted, I hit a LOT of roadblocks when rewriting. I scrapped at least a dozen or so drafts before I finally accepted that things were heading in a different direction. BUT! I think this may have been a blessing in disguise; I'm actually more satisfied with this version than my previous completed ones. AND! I've even been tossing around a prequel/sequel that I'm excited about sharing. Until then, I hope you all enjoy! Do let me know what you think! This one is a pretty emotional piece.

(1)

A kiss - soft, gentle, and chaste - pecked just the edge of his hairline under his ear. A chill wracked his body, but he squashed it down. He instead settled for subtly pressing back into the chest behind him, sinking deeper into the arms around him. He otherwise gave no sign of acknowledgement. 

Another kiss followed, this time pressing even more tenderly against his jaw. He felt his eyes squeeze shut on their own accord. He didn't deserve to have this...

"Hey..." The voice in the dark softly prodded. The hands holding his body against a slightly broader one caressed him softly, almost tickling - comforting, soothing.

He gushed out a heavy breath, but it neither relaxed him nor did it ease the tightening in his chest, the ache in his side.

Another kiss, this time the cheek, gradually making their way towards his mouth, albeit without any force or insistence, "It's okay. It's *okay* baby." The kisses continued, reigning all over his jaw, cheeks, nose, eyes, and wherever else they could reach. A thumb brushed just under his eye, as if wiping away moisture that he would not allow himself to shed, "It wasn't your fault."

He felt his breath leave him in one large gust while the kisses, caresses, and forgiving words - too forgiving - continued. One of the gentle hands moved up to run through his matted hair. He'd been too exhausted - both mentally and physically - to even walk into the sonic shower, opting only to all but collapse onto the shared bed. 

Three days. 

Three grueling, demanding and frustrating days down in that lab and by the time he very uncharacteristically gave up, he was still no closer to analyzing that plant than when he'd nearly ripped it from the earth with his bare hands.

*'Flos Mortem,'* Sulu called it. Roughly translated as 'Death Flower,' and was very appropriately dubbed, unfortunately. And Lieutenant Pearl - young, eager, and so very naïve - had been so easily swooned by the purple flower's radiant beauty. She had cooed over the delicate traces of silver that lined the petals' veins, the vibrant turquoise leaves that made their crown. It had smelled so exquisite, she'd insisted, practically begging Mr. Spock to come see and (quite illogically) partake in its splendor. 

That's when her enthusiasm had turned into horror.

He should have watched her more closely. He should not have let her dawdle.

But...

It was her first away mission. She had been so excited. And she deserved to be. Such a hard worker she was. And unspeakably bright. Chekov had been fawning all over her since the first day she'd been assigned. Two years the Russian prodigy's junior, she certainly matched him where both intelligence quota AND learning capability where concerned, along with twice the wit. She'd one-upped Pavel's record of being the youngest officer on a starship (at just barely age 16), but he hadn't seemed to mind. In fact, it was probably refreshing to him, the crew had speculated, to have a coworker who was not only in his own age bracket, but who didn't treat him like a child as well. 

She had such promise; her achievements in flora/fauna gene splicing were not only unparalleled, but it set research forward probably by at least ten years. 

She was a child genius.

And she idolized Spock.

In turn, it had not even taken the Vulcan a full day of mentoring her on her first day aboard the *Enterprise* before he came to the conclusion that he harbored a certain...fondness for the young prodigy. The Vulcan side of him insisted that her borderline hero-worship was both illogical and unfounded.

His human side, however, found it most...endearing. The way she held onto every word of his teachings as if they were a lifeline, how she seemed to complete every project as if it were for *him* and not just her duty, how she treated each one of her work as if they were her own child elicited a particular kind of awareness in Spock's hardened Vulcan shell that even he could not fail to appreciate. 

She'd always seen him as a father, she'd told him, but he didn't deserve that title. After all, is it not a parent's duty to protect their child from harm? To ensure that their trust in you to protect them is not betrayed? 

He'd failed on all of those fronts. He didn't pull her away in time, didn't ward her from the strangely trilling plant before it's harmonic singing instantaneously morphed into screeching when her fingers brushed a soft leaf. Before she had a chance to be surprised - before Spock with all of his Vulcan speed could reach her - the violet petals reared back, then fanned out as it released an ear-splitting shriek before striking at the young scientist like an angered cobra. 

Once, twice - it stuck six times before Spock reached his shocked apprentice. Purple venom oozed out of the lesions on her throat, arm, and chest, mixing in with the thick red blood that stained Spock's hands as he dragged her limp body away from the vile creature. Lieutenant Pearl's very blue eyes had blown wide, her pallor paling by the second. She had gasped hard through the pain, her lungs screaming as the poison burned through her every tissue. Spock had barked orders for assistance. He quickly scanned her vitals, dismayed at the rapid rate in which they were failing. Where the hell were the other landing crew??!!

She was dying, and they both knew it. And Spock was powerless to stop it. Despite it all, Lieutenant Pearl merely smiled up at him. *"I'm alright, Commander,"* she'd insisted, her voice weak and growing weaker. *"I'm okay. I can do this. I'm fine."*

He'd tried to quiet her, logically instructing her to save what strength she may have until help arrived. Help which, he knew, was not coming fast enough. If possible, her big crystal blues softened even more at his words, as if he spoke the gospel.

*"You're always correcting me,"* she rasped, her words becoming ever less coherent. *"Always teaching me. I always wanted that. I never knew my parents, but...I'd like to think they were a lot like you. Always looking out for me... Caring about me..."* then, as her breath gushed out a final time: *"Thank you...Mr. Spock..."*

He didn't want to see the light in those eyes dim, but he did. He didn't want to feel the slender fingers clenched in his tunic go slack, yet he felt it. He watched numbly (that's what he told himself, anyway) as the last of her skin tone drained away, a stark contrast to the deep purple of the seeping venom and the very red of her blood.

"Hey..." The rumble of the gentle voice behind him roused the Vulcan from his melancholy reverie. A thumb stroked his jaw and another kiss pecked the tip of his ear. "Look at me."

He at first refused, feeling guilty for even allowing these reassurances that he knew he didn't deserve. His companion, however, was as stubborn as the Georgian mules he occasionally tells him about from his childhood adventures.

"Please look at me, Spock."

He exhaled through his nose - the closest expression to a sigh that he would permit himself to express - before allowing himself to turn his head to acknowledge the speaker. In the darkness, he could just barely make out the very familiar silhouette just inches from his face. Subconsciously, the Vulcan squeezed the fingers interwoven with his own.

The fingers squeezed back and Spock could nearly feel the steady gaze boring into him in the dark. The fingers of the hands stroking his face ran lightly over his cheek, the knuckles sending a light tingle through his skin, "There's nothing you could have done. It was an accident." 

"She was my responsibility - "

"Stop that," the voice cut him off sharply. "It wasn't your fault, you hear me?"

"I should have known she wasn't ready. I should have - "

"Enough. Stop blaming yourself. You couldn't have known."

"If I hadn't - "

"Stop."

"But, I - "

"No."

"Leonard - "

"I said 'no'."

Spock clicked his mouth shut, practically feeling the glare from his lover. 

After a moment or two, he heard a sigh, "Come here..." Then the arms around him began to maneuver their bodies so that they faced each other. Despite the darkness, Spock still shut his eyes. He couldn't even face the lifeless body of his protégé - much less his own reflection. How could he expect to face his lover?

Leonard held him tightly, coaxing one of his arms to wrap around the doctor's neck whilst tucking the Vulcan's head into the cook of his shoulder and throat. Leonard's breath ghosted his ear as his fingers raked through the disheveled black hair. This was a position Spock secretly enjoyed; it allowed him to slip into the recesses of someone else's care. And what better person to hand such a responsibility over to than his own doctor? Not to mention the love of his life?

"I know what she meant to you," Leonard uttered softly. "It's okay to be upset."

"Vulcans do not - " 

"It's okay to *feel*. And you *do,* whether you admit it or not." Spock went silent, at a loss for an argument and too tired to engage even if he had one. Another kiss - this one a little lingering - landed just at the corner of his eye. "It's okay. And it wasn't - your - *fault*." 

This time Spock sighed for real, but burrowed deeper into the sanctuary surrounding him. Just for a little while. Meditation had done him no good; at least this way he could acquire a brief reprieve, "I could not save her..."

"I know."

"She was a child..."

"I know, darlin'."

"If I had reached her sooner - "

"You're going to tear yourself up with all those 'what-if's," Leonard sternly cut in again. "So stop it. Doctors orders." Normally, such teasing would have elicited at least a tiny spark of amusement - even gratitude for the attempt at distraction - but now it didn't even yield him the strength to snipe back. Leonard realized this as well, and gave a little sigh of his own. "If you could gave done more, you would have. I know that, she knew that - and deep down you do too. You can't save everyone. Believe me; I'm a doctor. I would know."

And he was right. That didn't make it any easier to accept, however. Spock's mind wouldn't stop racing over the endless alternative possibilities, the various outcomes that could have been. He couldn't stop imagining all the numerous things that he could have done different, despite the lack of logic behind his unpalatable musings. He couldn't understand it.

He wasn't surprised when Leonard pressed another kiss to his ear, fingers raking through his unkept hair; the doctor knew him too well. He shared with him a language that no other soul could comprehend. 

"Get some rest, darlin'. You're exhausted."

Sleep? Now? "I...cannot..."

"Try, okay? Just try."

Alright. For Leonard, he would try. 

But quieting his mind was still quite the task. Every time he tried to let himself drift, those stark blue eyes flashed before him, never letting him forget. He fidgeted, attempting to shake the images from his mind. He could feel Leonard's growing concern bleeding through everywhere their skin touched. The Vulcan felt mildly comforted, yet not quite placated as the concern gradually melted into soothing. 

Spock felt his hand become encased by another, where it rested over Leonard's chest. The doctors fingers caressed his, the tenderest of kisses yet, "Shh. Relax. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Spock's breath caught. He tightened his hold in return - not just their hands, but everywhere his body could reach. He clung to Leonard so hard that his body began to ache. And judging by the light cough the doctor released, the sentiment was shared. 

But instead of pulling away or flinching back, Leonard only held him closer. They practically breathed the same air, now. The doctor's steady hands never ceased their caresses through the Vulcan's hair, "I got ya, baby. I'm here. It's alright."

Spock's body shook, this time for a whole other reason. He knew what Leonard was doing. For once, he didn't fight it. 

He'd lived the Vulcan way nearly his whole life. He knew what their standards were, what was expected of him. Vulcans do not allow themselves to become upset, much less let such a sentiment dictate their actions. And they certainly never cried. 

Leonard had known this - and accepted his ways - when they'd fallen head-first into this tangle of souls they now were. But he also never failed to remind Spock of another part of himself, one that he too often denied: he is also human. 

A child of two worlds, his father had called him. And with full capability to decide who and what he wanted to be. Leonard never felt he should have to choose at all. Spock was primarily Vulcan, yes, but he was human as well. And the doctor believed there was a time and place for each one. He didn't need to speak his thoughts out loud - nor did he really need for his thoughts to bleed through their skin contact - for Spock to get the message: now was a time to be human. And it wasn't a bad thing.

Spock's breath shuddered just minutely against his lover's shoulder when he shakily inhaled. No, he couldn't be Vulcan right now. Not completely, anyways. His side hurt too much and his mind refused to slow down. 

"It's okay. It's okay..."

Leonard's voice was both a blessing and a curse: he was a comfort in the melancholy circumstance, but his affection was also a reminder as to why Spock seemed to require such comfort. Spock clenched his fingers in the back of Leonard's t-shirt, finding it ever more difficult to maintain his hard shell of indifference. But Leonard could see. He always could.

Spock could feel his breaths become shakier by the minute. His beloved held him so tightly, protective and loving. When he felt kisses being reigned all over his face again - this time in close succession - he caught the fourth one with his own mouth. Leonard gave a slight noise of surprise before conforming to it with a barely-suppressed groan. 

Spock needed no prodding in order for him to open up to the exquisite feel of Leonard's much smoother tongue. They'd done this many times, but it still made him shiver. Nevertheless, he still pressed urgently into the advances. He could feel and hear Leonard breathing heavily through his nose. The doctor attempted a couple of times to gently push away after a moment, but Spock wouldn't allow it; he didn't want to return to reality so soon. Not yet.

"Spo - mm... Spock - ... Baby, you gotta stop... Stop..." Leonard's breathy voice finally roused him from his trance. Spock allowed the doctor to breathe properly, but he refused to let up even a fragment of the hold he had around his lover. He could feel the concern and affection through their contact - but mostly concern. The sentiments gently spiked every time Leonard's fingertips brushed over his flushed face. "Hey. Open your eyes." 

Spock tried, but he couldn't muster up the strength. He only hoped Leonard would understand. 

Another sigh: resigned. Helpless, "God, you're taking this really hard..."

Spock - well in his nature - would have argued that point, except...Vulcans do not lie. Either way, he was ashamed. He couldn't even respond, much less stop himself from burrowing back into the sanctuary of Leonard's shoulder.

The doctor's hold shifted. Spock began to feel the gentle, nearly tickling caresses of fingertips ghost all over the expanse of his back. It was familiar. And comfortable. And adored. He nearly lost himself in the pleasant sensations he'd come to appreciate until the voice breezed into his ear again, "I'm here for you. Okay? I'm not ever letting you go, especially not over this. You'll get through it and I'm gonna help you." Leonard's intentions spoke louder than his words. Spock could feel it in every stroke against his back, the breath on his face. "I'm gonna help you. And I wanna help you, just... You closing yourself up like this - even more than ever - I don't know what..." He sucked in a deep breath. Spock didn't miss the slight angle the doctor maneuvered so their hips wouldn't touch. "But you gotta talk to me; you gotta tell me what you need."

Spock had to swallow three times before he found his voice again, albeit very subdued, "I need...you, Leonard..."

It took a moment before Leonard could respond. Spock could nearly sense the tale-tell eyebrow jump as the broad body pulled back half an inch in what undoubtedly was surprise, "Spock, I - n-no... Spock, I can't - I *won't* - do that. Not while you're like this..."

This time, Spock *did* open his eyes and lift his head to look up at his lover. Even the dark could not hide his mixed expression, "You...do not..?"

"No, Spock. *No*. You're upset. Distraught, even. You can deny it all you want, but I - "

"I am."

Leonard very nearly toppled over, having to shake tweeting birds and shiny stars from dancing around his head, "You're - what..?"

"You are correct. I am...as you say, 'upset.' And I have been unsuccessful in clearing my mind. To have an eidetic memory is a burden as well as an advantage, Leonard. I remember every specific detail of every moment. I have tried, yet I cannot seem to deviate myself from lingering on her last moments. They continue to haunt me, despite my efforts. There is no distraction potent enough...nor am I strong enough to keep the harrowing emotions at bay."

Leonard huffed out a heavy breath with one of his trademark scowls, "Bullshit, Spock. You're probably the strongest - "

"I am tired. I do not wish to be plagued with the burden of her passing any longer. You," Spock dropped his gaze as he removed the arm that rested behind Leonard's neck and shifted it to lace their fingers together. "Are the sole being who...changes me. You are correct when you say that I do feel. I feel to the extent that I admittedly...slip in my control..." Leonard winced, remembering full well the burst of absolute blind rage Spock had sunken into when Jim had...succumbed to radiation poisoning. That was an image the doctor never wanted to see again. "You are the only one...who prompts me to feel happiness - and I do not feel ashamed by it. I wish to forget, Leonard. Even if for a few moments, as illogical as it seems. I wish to feel something other than...pain."

It was now Leonard's turn for his heart to clench. "Spock..." Face crumpling, he lifted their hands to peck the tips of Spock's fingertips, despite the extreme intimacy of the gesture. He poured his every thought, every emotion he felt towards the situation into each press of lips against the slender digits. *Don't ask me to do this. ...I love you. I don't want to hurt you.*

Spock's body twitched just enough for Leonard to be certain that his beloved understood the message. A shaky breath left the Vulcan before he shifted until their foreheads touched. He let his fingers trace the lips of his lover, "You will not." He assured in a quiet voice.

"Yes, I will," Leonard answered back, his own voice strained. "Maybe not intentionally, but I will." As he spoke, the tip of Spock's index finger slipped passed his lips. Instinctively, he closed them around it just for a second before releasing the digit in a slightly more intimate kiss. 

Spock shuddered, inadvertently causing their hips to press against one another. He let his hand withdraw, instead brushing a kiss of his own heritage down one of Leonard's cheeks, who shut his eyes to relish the sensation, "If what you say is true, it is impossible to harm me." The breath Leonard released was shaky. "I...love you, as well."

This time, Leonard's breath hitched. His eyes bored heavily into where he knew Spock's own brown ones were, "You mean that?"

"I do."

Spock's choice of words gave Leonard the chills, for multiple reasons. He pressed their bodies impossibly closer, even their hips. He plucked tender kisses from his beloved - once, twice, three times - before speaking, their lips still brushing against one another, "Then say it again. Please, for me? I want to hear it again."

The Vulcan did not even bother arguing how illogical such a request was; after all, how can saying it a second time make his statement anymore true? Instead, he merely answered, "I love you, Leonard."

"Again."

"I love you."

"Again," the doctor's breaths grew heavy as his skilled hands began to wander all over the alabaster skin he adored.

Spock's breathing began to struggle in kind, "I love you. You are my life. My *ashayam.*"

"God, I love you. So damn much..." Leonard gasped. He knew deep down that he could not deny Spock anything. 

This was a first for them; never before have they uttered such declarations aloud, much less to one another. Perhaps, deep down, they both knew. Perhaps they'd known all along. Perhaps saying it merely solidified the legitimacy. Now there was no denying it - no turning back. 

Suddenly, nothing else in the world existed. Thought vanished and all that remained was feeling. There was no catastrophic mission, no young geniuses with big blue eyes and an eager smile, no starship, no anything. All there were was Spock and Leonard. There was only the toned leg that hooked over Leonard's hip, clamping down as tight as possible until matching ankles were able to lock together against a broad backside. The feel of kisses - both with fingers and tongue - far outmatched the buzzing thoughts running amok between shared physical contact. Neither could even take notice to Leonard rolling their bodies slightly, pinning Spock against the mattress while his own body rocked against the one beneath him. Even pain was hardly acknowledged when nimble fingers tightly gripped thick brown hair at the base of Leonard's neck. 

Leonard hardly began to acknowledge the sweat beading on his skin and his shortness of breath before he started to hear the faint pleas of Spock's nearly-silent voice. The Vulcan sounded so lost - almost, no, *very* human. He'd never heard anything like this leave his beloved's mouth, "Please...Leonard. Please..."

Leonard needed only to look into those *very human* eyes before making his decision. He pursed his lips, steeled himself, and stared unwaveringly into that intense gaze, "No, baby. Not like this." A flash of surprise, and then hurt ghosted through Spock's frame. He attempted to turn away, but Leonard held him there, smoothing tangled bangs from the cool forehead. "We will, but not now. When you're ready - but you're not yet."

The pleading in Spock's dark eyes was nearly tangible in the darkness. His fingers brushed Leonard's face imploringly, "...*Please*."

It took all of Leonard's willpower to bite down hard on his lip and shake his head firmly, "No," instantly, he felt Spock begin to pull back from him. Leonard didn't let him get far. "No, Spock. I'll hold you, I'll stay awake with you all night, I'll give you anything you need - but this *isn't* what you need."

Spock was silent for a long time. Finally, he released his hold on his beloved and moved to turn away, suddenly ashamed, "I understand," he muttered neutrally. "Forgive me. It was not my intention to - "

Leonard stopped the Vulcan before he could close himself off, keeping them facing each other, "None of that, now. Don't apologize. I don't expect *anything* from you, understand?"

There was a pause. Then, "...I do."

A shudder wracked Leonard's frame unexpectedly at those words again. He squashed it as best as he could before leaning down to peck a soft kiss on his lover's forehead. He settled to lie back down, draped over Spock's body and yet wrapped up in his hold at the same time. The doctor held on tightly, wherever he could reach, all the while combing gentle fingers through the sleek black hair, "Sleep, baby. I'm not going anywhere." The only answer he received was a large sigh as the Vulcan succumbed to the loving caresses. 

Spock's breathing had nearly completely leveled out by the time Leonard felt himself begin to drift. As he held his beloved Vulcan in his arms, he unwittingly reminisced about their history, their beginning - all that they'd been through over the years. It was then that he came to the conclusion that he could no longer deny what was so plainly in front of him all along.

Still massaging his lover's scalp, Leonard dipped his head down to lay another kiss on the tip of a pointy ear. His voice was only audible to a Vulcan when he spoke, "Spock?"

"Hm?" The acknowledgement was soft, but coherent enough. 

Leonard swallowed hard, licking his lips before he could find his voice.

"...Marry me?"


End file.
